The Owner Of The Foot

The owner of this foot is strong, resilient, and determined
Yet soft and fragile on the inside...

The owner of the foot is rather opinionated
Yet an excellent listener and very understanding...

The owner of the foot is playful and fun
Yet serious and hardworking when desired...

The owner of the foot is not only blue-eyed and attractive
But also smart and funny...

Like the lioness, able to hunt and protect
Yet caring and loving to ones that need it...

Her soft spoken voice sure is captivating
And so is her confidence and frankness...

That's Dina for ya, and that's her foot!

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i) The photo's posted with permission.
ii) Disclaimer: Please don't get any impressions that I'm a player; I am not at all.

Steer Away From These Rocks

I was tagged by shlemazl, a fellow blogger, to write 5 things about myself that the reader might not know. I am gonna change the rules around a bit. I’m gonna instead tell you about a few points in my life that I feel were crucial. These are moments that changed me; moments that significantly changed the way I think and feel about current events. I'd be a very different person if any of them was to be omitted. Some of these are very recent; the oldest is about 8 years ago. Of course they won’t be 5, I’ll tell you as many as necessary. I tag whoever wants to be tagged.

- The time I laid down on the ground in a Roman street, drunk, unable to move a limb, and the events that preceded and ensued.
- The day I accidentally learned about a shocking (mmm... for a lack of a better word) truth in someone’s life followed by the realization that this is one of those secrets you keep to yourself till the end.
- The day I decided to go buy a guitar.
- The time I finally met the Creator and the answers were revealed to me.
- The day I lost a best friend.
- The time I had undeniable proof that I had it right about a close someone. I was finally sure that what I thought of them was right.
- The time I pursued a stripper to find out exactly why she gave me a wrong number… and the events that ensued.
- The day I realized I was an atheist and not just someone with a lot of fundamental questions about their faith.
- The day I started this blog.
- The moment I realized I cared for someone in both, a platonic and non-platonic way, which is extremely rare for me.

Should I Be A Moment With You?

So, since the last post, I decided I’m gonna try to end it with Ouba, my gf that I don’t love. I had just been waiting to meet her as I don’t like such serious talks to take place on the phone or anything other than in person. Two ways of doing that (ending it) occurred to me. The first, is to tell her that we are very different. That there is a vast gap in understanding between us, like I explained in my last post. The second, is to tell her that I don’t know if I’m ready, or even willing, to get married or committed to anyone at all at this time, or ever. The latter is true by the way.

Now I thought that both of these ways will do the job. I felt that the second would be easier to take than the first. She might be a little hurt if she hears the first one. So I went ahead with my plan and we went out to a nice cozy place.

Before bringing up the intended subject I decided to tell her about my atheism. I have been sending her hints of it but have postponed saying it flat out till we get to know each better. This is how wide the gap is between me and her: She has almost never heard of atheism before! I can’t begin to describe to you how shocked she was hearing about what exactly it is. Her shock was as about the existence of this idea as it was about me subscribing to it. I don’t require my gf to be an atheist, actually I prefer not, but at least know what it’s about and understand where I’m coming from!!!

Anyways, so after talking about atheism and discussing it briefly, I moved on to the subject of me and her. It went on something like this.

MC: Ouba, I brought you here so we can talk about two fairly important topics like I said. That was the first. The second is about me and you.
Ouba: Okay.
MC: I’m gonna start by asking you. Do you think this relationship is something that might at some point develop into a marriage?

She struggled a bit with this question as she didn’t know which way I was leaning towards. As she did, I realized that the question is not fair and that she might be cornered, so I interrupted.

MC: Well, it’s not really fair asking you this. Let me answer and then you can comment on what I say.
Oubay: Alright.
MC: At this point in my life, I am not looking for a commitment at all. In fact, I am not sure if I will ever get married or not. So this is how I’m going into this relationship. I want us to be clear from the start so neither of us gets hurt.
Ouba: Me neither. I am not looking for a commitment to. Friendship (gf/bf) is better for me now. I’m ok with that.
MC: Great!

That was not exactly the scenario I had in mind. She’s ok with it! We’re still together! Now a lot of guys might envy being with a pretty girl that is not looking for a commitment. I don’t know why I’m not feeling that! There is a part of me that feels guilty. What am I doing with her? I don’t love her, and I don’t see it happening in the future. We are very different and it’s taking me a lot of effort each time I try to convey my ideas to her. They don’t click in her head like they do with others. I need your thoughts please…

By The Ways Of Bluetooth

Can't talk politics now so I'm gonna talk personal instead.

In all the ways possible in meeting a gf, Bluetooth is one that never crossed my mind. But it happened. I met Ouba by Bluetooth. Basically you keep your Bluetooth activated on your cellphone when at a cafe then try to match the name to the face. You watch the movements... you identify the person... you bluetooth flirt... you look... you smile. Strange isn't it?

Now that this is real, I gotta think of the consequences. We're in the ritual of 3 or more phone calls a day and have gone out. It's only been a week but I gotta think about it now before it developes and the stakes get higher. She's not my gf yet, but at this rate she will be very soon unless I decide otherwise.

There is a side issue to this relationship that probably needs a post on its own. Ouba's cousin, who is married and has a kid, is having some sort of a relationship with my best friend Volks (who has a gf by the way). Volks hooked up with her as I was hooking up with Ouba by Bluetooth as well. Volks is playing with fire, I know.

Ouba's a nice beautiful girl. She's easygoing, caring and funny. She's got a sincere laugh. She's got the Egyptian skin tone with kind eyes and hair that flows nicely when her hand moves through it. She has nice figure too.

My friend Tau once told me this: "we like the fact that we have a girlfriend more than we like the girlfriend herself." I don't want to fall into that trap. I'd like to have a gf, but I'd like to have one because I love the girl and not as entertainment. I don't want her to be my rebound or me hers.

Well, what's wrong with Ouba? Nothing is wrong with her as a person. It's just that as of now, I have no feelings for her beyond friendship. I'm not even getting the physical attraction though my friends think otherwise. I don't love her, and I don't see myself loving her in the future.

Why do I not have feelings for her? Well, we're on different levels of... thought, interest... etc. She cares more about clothes and jewelry than I do. I think more about life and ethics etc more than she does. I care more about music than she does.... or we care about different kinds of music.

How will she react when I tell her about my atheism? She'll surely freak out though I have hinted to it many times already. Will she understand me? Will she understand my opinions about life and relationships? about religion and faith? How will she react if she learns about this blog? or when she hears the music that I like? like Bjork & Radiohead? flamenco or klezmer music? She just will not get it... But is there a girl that might get all of this?

Everyday the girl is becoming attached and I'm not. I'm not feeling her. I'm sorry Ouba, it's something that I cannot control. I really don't want to hurt her, I care about her in that sense. I would hate to have her suffer from a break up. But how much am I going to sacrifice to prevent that from happening. Am I going to sacrifice having a cute gf for a few months so she doesn't get hurt? That sounds like the right thing to do, but how many guys out there can take that step?

I don't feel guilty going into this quite yet as it's only been a week. My excuse is I'm getting to know her. I think I'll give it just a little more time to be sure that I don't have feelings for her. But why can't I be like a self-respecting hormone-driven male and get at least a kiss out of this before it goes down? Well, I don't know yet... I might do that too.