We Are Damaged Provider Modules

A few days ago I had a first date set with this girl. It was a last minute thing, I had a two hour gap in my Saturday night so when we talked that day, we decided she would come over and we would hang out. About 1 hour before our date, I got a message from her saying she has to cancel! Apparently, her friend had a bad day and she had to stay with her. Ya right!

Now some people might be cool with occasional date cancellations but it seems that I have acquired some sensitivity to that over my naive romantic history. One of my noteworthy 'relationships' going back to a few years ago now was characterized by consistent, short-notice, sms-based date cancellations. And it wasn't just one or two dates I'm embarrassed to say... it was maybe 5 to 10 dates consecutively called off with a variety of excuses. I don't quite recall all of the excuses, but I know dentists, hospitals, and friends having bad days were involved. It appears that this past experience has made me a bit thin-skinned to being almost stood up like that.

This time, though, I wasn't disappointed that I wasn't gonna see the girl. I honestly don't care for her that much. I was more disappointed in myself; that I let someone cancel on me again. Now I've become very skeptical to any excuses for canceling. Excuses are complete fabrications until proven otherwise. Either she has found something better to do or she is having second thoughts about seeing me. And either scenario cannot be very good to a man's ego.

Now back to the story, I called her just to hear her put the excuse in a sentence and see if I could tell if she was sincere or not. I obviously couldn't tell, we've become very good liars these days we believe our own lies. So I just ended the call with a few short OKs. A few minutes later she sent me a message saying she felt bad but her friend really wasn't feeling well and scheduled our date to the following day. So far so good, you might think. But as I fell asleep that night, I knew I wasn't gonna see her, I knew that I didn't want to.

About 1 hour before our new date, I sent her a message -reminiscent enough of her own message to make her wonder if it's retribution, but not enough to make her certain- that I can't make it! Needless to say she freaked out, as much as can be with text messages and missed calls anyway. The most interesting of which was a message saying "i'll make it worth your while". And apparently she was already on her way. I replied back with short, polite but neutral sorrys without admitting it's on purpose. I don't think that she wanted to see me that bad, I think she just didn't want this to happen to her.

I can't say that I've enjoyed her pain/frustration. I didn't do it to get back at her. I did it to prove to myself that I don't need you, generic woman, to get off your high horse and find time in your busy schedule for me. I don't need that kind of treatment. I'm not gonna beg you to see me, in fact, you should be the one begging me.