I Haven't Seen Those Eyes Before

One cold night, not too long ago it was just me and her and the rustle of the wind. My recollection of this is somewhat surreal but I'll describe it as best I can. I remember it being an especially dark night though that may not reflect the mood of the story. The sea and the sky were black, and I don't remember seeing the moon that night, but that could've been just me. The sky did show the stars though; I remember looking up and stealing brief moments of consciousness wondering if it was all real or not.

We were not alone, unlike what you might have guessed. There were quite a few bonfires with 10 to 20 people gathered around each one to keep warm. Their fire was a process that involved wood and oxygen but ours was entirely different. They were all faceless too. They had no features, no names, no personality, even as they laughed or sang. You could not shake hands with one of them, like a useless extra in one of your dreams. They had no consequence.... they didn't matter.

To me, that beach is just as anonymous as the people that were there. I think of it as a secret place that you cannot find your way to again if you wanted to. The kind of place that exists only once, just enough for you to make that special memory. I know I can never find this place again. Maybe my brain has resorted to making it a dreamlike memory because it was too good to be a real one. Or maybe my euphoria at the time altered my sense of perception...

We laid on the beach in each other's arms and the wind was blowing hard, but it didn't matter. The faceless crowds too were making noises but it didn't matter either, to us they did not exist. It is hard to find the right adjective for how we kissed. If I said passionately it would be a huge understatement. Our embrace created it's own world. We were so taken over by this embrace that anyone could have came by and stole the blanket under us and we wouldn't notice. I kissed her with all my body and I held her tight. I wanted to be as close as I could possibly be to her. As I savoured her lips and felt the warmth of her body, I knew that there is one way that I would be closer to her. And I knew that that's what I wanted. A few hours went by of us living in our own world that was just created, feverishly trying to become one, oblivious to our surroundings. We got up and packed our things. I remember looking around at the dark sea, the sky, and the colorless sand with my arm around her and realizing that I am not the same man anymore!

Behind The Skin And Muscles

I've been slowly realizing lately how hard it has become to post personal posts. Even with my level of vagueness I cannot really open up for a million reasons. Anyways... ever had a sad, funny day? You know what I'm talking about? Today was one of those. One of those days that, years from now, will put a smirk on your face as you lean back in your chair, arms behind your head, and recall the moments.

Let me tell you about how my day ended. I was out with a group of not-so-close friends, with the exception of Volks, at a below average Egyptian cafe (balady). I was very hungry (still am, by the way) so I ordered 2 greasy little chicken sandwiches. These balady style cafes usually don't serve food but this one does. Me and Volks were harassing each other when my food came, and this is how it went:

Me: Alright let's stop. My food is here.
Volks: I don't care. (smiling)
Me: Don't bother me while I'm eating, I could be dangerous with this food.
Volks: Are you threatening me? I don't get threatened!! (still smiling)
Me: hmm.... ya ok I'm threatening you.
Volks: Ya? Here.

He then nudges the plate on my lap lightly so one of the sandwiches slides off the plate and onto my jeans, staining them. He laughs. I laugh too and act as if I'm gonna accept it, just so that he lets his guard down. As soon as he does, I grab the sandwich and smear it on his jeans, face down! He tries to move my hand away quickly and grabs the remainder of that sandwich trying to return the favour. We both frantically get up as he stuffs a sandwich down my t-shirt as I simultaneously smudge the other sandwich on his face!! It was a food fight... aaah.

I walked home smelling like cheap mayo, chicken bits in my hair, and bread crumbs down my shirt... but worst of all, I was still hungry... couldn't dare order food after that.

The Spies Hide Out In Every Corner

I can be stupid sometimes, I amaze myself. So I got a job interview at a respectable big firm. They called to notify me of the interview a whole week beforehand, and that's just too long. But again, maybe I should have written something down. So I get there, after a 50 minutes commute, to find that my interviewer is away on business. I get a little pissed off so I start speaking a little louder to the receptionists, though not yet shouting. How could they be so incompetent and get me here when the guy is away??? So I leave a note in a formally annoyed tone saying that I've come on time but the dude wasn't there. I was so frustrated that day I was venting out to everyone about how I hate such disorganization and lack of common sense in Egypt. The next the lady at the company called me to tell me that I was actually a day early for my interview!! I, of course, had no choice but to insist that she gave me the wrong date and that it's not my fault. To this day I'm not really sure if I was told the wrong date or if it is my memory that played tricks on me and made me go a day earlier. Now that I think about it, I'm leaning towards the latter. Brutal huh?

Err after a story like that, I so feel like blowing my own horn and tell you about what happened to me in Khan El Khalily, but I won't. Actually I did write it then replaced it by this paragraph. It's not nice to brag... uff.

A few days ago I went out with a guy that I didn't know very well. It was a long day but the highlight was the Freedom Cafe. If you don't know it, it's a cheap cafe downtown that serves cold beer, popular amongst tourists and Egyptian films. It was my first time there but it looked so familiar cause I've seen it in a few Egyptian movies already! So mid-way through his beer, the dude hints to his gayness!! He didn't say he was gay but he sorta said that he might be open to trying gay stuff. Saying this is of course a taboo amongst straight guys all over the world. Is that why he wanted to go out or did he really just wanna talk? Anyways so it was tricky from my side conveying to him that I'm cool with gay guys yet I'm not gay. Do I have to show some homophobia in order to appear straight?

I have to go pick up a girl now who's covertly moving out of her parents house in pursuit of freedom. In Egypt, this is an extremely bold step. It's a life changing, one-way decision that only a strong determined woman can take. If I feel like I'm in a movie just going to pick her up, how does she feel???

To Another Place & Time

This is for you... you know who you are. I wanna tell ya I'm sorry. Yes, I really am. I'm sorry for every moment I did not spend with you. How could I be so foolish? Did I not realize how precious the time we had was? I'm sorry for looking away at some meaningless scenery when the real deal was right beside me. Why the hell was I looking for beauty not right next to me?

I'm sorry for all my stray thoughts about food, drink, and all the trivial nothings when I was with you. I am sorry for my hours of sleep those nights. Pointless hours of hibernation spent without you, yet filled with dreams of you. Why dream when I had you? I'm sorry for letting go of every single embrace. How could I be so cruel on myself?

I'm sorry for... hmm blinking as I looked at ya!!

Gloomy Wednesday

I Just lost $3,000 USD cash... no money left!!!