How To Be Inconsiderate
I know there is a war going on, but I have a confession to make. I screwed up someone else's life. I did it to someone I don't know, and I did it for no reason at all. So random...
This is about 2 years go. I go into a net cafe in Cairo. It's a small and cheap place. I go on this computer and check my email and surf the net for a bit. I open up MSN looking for friendly chat. But someone has left their username and password in there!!!! It's not signed in but their account and password are there, I can simply sign in with their account... I had a moment of hesitation... ok a split second...
My mind was something like this:
"ok just go in see who this guy is and then get out."
"it's not yours so just leave it alone."
"just a quick peak, maybe there is something interesting"
"control yourself... you make me sick"
So I log in with his account (the username was a guy's name)... He's got some friends online, nothing special... So I go about doing my other stuff. Then this conversation window opens up... The display picture has a half-naked guy showing his abs... "hmm... intresting" I think to myself. Then 3 or 4 windows start popping up. The thing is they weren't just people. They were all guys. Guys with half-naked pics in their MSN display. And the messages I was getting were a little weird... "hey hottie", "missed you"...etc... I realized that the guy I'm logging in as is gay. I have nothing against gays, but naturally I was a little repulsed.
I should have done the right thing and logged off. But my mind was going into different directions. I am not gonna self-analyze my thoughts at the time, there is no excuse for what I did really. I'm just gonna tell you. I opened up his email and looked at the distrubtion lists. His lists were something like this:
"family"
"friends"
"Guys from US"
"Guys from Egypt"
"Guys from Sweden"
etc... he had guys from many countries
So I created a new email to his "family" and "friends" distribution lists. In the message, I said something like this:
"I wanted to tell you all this for a long time. I am actually gay."
You know being openly gay in Egypt is probably not an easy thing. Do you think I ruined his life? Do you think it was fate? Was there a purpose to what I did?
Of course I have no excuse... it was an nothing but an evil act from my side and I don't know how long it will keep haunting me for. I'm sorry dude.
posted by MechanicalCrowds at 6:52 PM
19 Comments:
Wow! That truly is evil! Shame! Shame!
First time I've been here & this is my first impression of you! :P
But, I do have to admit I laughed my head off!
I wouldn't loose too much sleep over it. Most likely his family & friends dismiss it as a joke or prank, being in deep denial. Perhaps this guy was a real closet case & only chatted. He may not even consider himself gay! I knew a guy in High School like that. Everyone knew he was gay except himself.
In your situation I would have done things differently, not quite as nasty. Perhaps send a message to all the guys on his list telling them:
"I've become a born again Christian & now believe this is immoral. Please let me help you see the light as I have."
3:16 AM
Oh, shit.
I think it's pretty bad, but possibly not as bad as one or two things that I did.
8:09 AM
We've all done terrible things one way or the other. This is hardly about him, it's about you. Let go and move on and don't repeat. Nothing else to do, must be pragmatic, guilt is a waste of life.
10:55 AM
have u ever thought that it would be a girl's account.. and that's she's using the word Guys as a normal word!.. i mean not for boys or girls!?
if i'd like to blame someone.. it would be the account's owner him/herself.. and if u r one of those who every now and then make some self settlement zy 7alaty keda.. then u'll have to blame urself bs not for screwing up sombody's life.. bs bec it seems that u broke kinda ur own personal principles ;o)
1:18 PM
well, i would 've done almost the same, signed in and ... well dont know what else bas i would have screwed his/her life as well and e4ven more, i would have distributed the email and the password.
may be this is evil but i love doing that!!!!!!!!!!!!
evil is not sth bad these day:D its an extra, a plus!!
3:16 PM
wow.. this is exactly the kind of stuff that grows and causes people to commit random unkind acts and become a nasty person.
i hope you wont do it again. not in another form anyways. you dont have that right.
5:49 AM
Come on, post something yalla! :)
6:17 PM
Chris,
It is evil, I hope you catch me at a better time next time! I think my problem is I will never now what I did to the guy. Maybe nothing happened. Maybe that little email ruined his life forever. If that is the case, it will probably never occur to him that some stranger he never met did this to him.
N,
It's about me? I don't know, am I that self-centered? I think I have some genuine concern for him. But again, maybe it's guilt, maybe I feel that someday some stranger will do something similar to me.
Reham,
It's a guy. His name was in his username. I think whichever way you look at it the blame is certainly on me.
Nephtys,
Our actions have consequences, just cause we like something doesn't mean it's ok to do it!
Grafxgurl,
Harsh words but you're right. I won't do it again.
Pinky,
I haven't heard your opinion about this... what do you think?
8:24 AM
That would've been a perfect 'postsecret' on your part! Ya3ni telling us this story of yours! [If none of this isn't making sense, I'm blaming it on Egyptian dial-up :p]
If you don't know what I'm talking about, http://postsecret.blogspot.com :)
11:40 PM
sorry lol.. err.. umm... didnt mean to be harsh... guess i just blurted things out.
3:22 PM
this is one of the the worst things i have ever heard. pure evil. if u remember hs email, email him and apologize imeediately.
and nephthys, you're an animal.
8:27 PM
I cant help but laugh. Why did yo even want to do that? Sho nef3ak menha? Oh well you know if he was gay the truth would come out sooner or later with or without you help (if you want to call it help...).
2:22 AM
That is, pure evil. Wouldn't it be hilarious and a total waste of time and thinking energy if his family had known all along and upon receiving your expose they all sat around the kitchen table laughing at the fool who supposedly revealed their son's true sexual orientation?
8:54 AM
Forsooth,
Ya I remember his email and I added it to my MSN list but nothing yet!
achangeofheart,
The guy probably doesn't think it's very funny! I don't know exactly why I did it...
Freudian,
I think that's the best scenario. But actually his birth year was in the username as well... and he was a young fellow so I don't think his sexuality would have been a public thing.
11:14 AM
My only gay Egyptian friend told his family at the age of 16...you never know.
(Dude, really, just step into denial...it will do you good)
6:16 PM
"Inconsiderate" is hardly the word, but I think you know that.
Dude, two things: Firstly, what's done is done, for better or for worse. Unfortunately, most likely, for worse, in this case.
Secondly, if you need to try to make amends, don't do it directly with him. I doubt that he will want to know you, if he knows what you did (I'm pretty sure I wouldn't, if it were me). You might find there are other things that you can do to turn this negative into a positive. Not sure what, but maybe there are things out there. You'll have to think about that yourself. One of them is *definitely* writing this blog entry - to let people know. It may not clear your conscience, but if, by writing it, you've made one other person stop before acting the same way on impulse, that's a good thing, right?
And thirdly (ok, so it was three things :) : it never hurts to think positively. There is an off chance that what you did actually helped the guy - having said that, though, don't go and do it again, ok? :)
1:13 PM
Oh My God! why? why did you do it?
4:41 PM
Holy crap mechanical, that was pretty bad! I mean, it's the ultimate "prank" (and I never understood or appreciated pranks... they're mean), but it's worse because you could have really f***ed him over, or at the very best embarrassed the hell out of him, and as you said, the damage is irreversible.
BUT... on the bright side (there's always a silver lining) I'm SURE that once he figured out what happened he cleared things up (whichever way he wanted) with his family and friends. Meaning, either he told all of them that someone hacked into his account and sent that "joke" email, and denied the fact that he's gay, or he told them the truth about his gayness. What I'm trying to say is, I'm sure he somehow solved the problem, however ugly it was. And things have a way of working out. Just think: this was meant to be.
But that doesn't change the fact that you pulled an a** move. I have no idea what possessed you to do such a destructive thing. But the fact that you posted it, and that you're talking about it, and that you're considering what you've done means that you're probably not likely to do something like that again ... I hope.
The way I see it, you did two very big no-no's... Not only did you step in and interfere (drastically) with someone's life and potentially with his relationships, but you ALSO impersonated someone, sending out a message to the people who matter most to him in his name, without his consent. To me, that's just as bad as revealing his alleged homosexuality!
I believe in redemption, and in "fixing" whatever you can. I know that contacting Gay Dude might not be the best idea, given that (as someone else pointed out) he might not want to hear from you. But at the same time, you do have his email, and probably his ID information. Why not find a way to add something good to his life? You might have screwed a part of it up, but you're also free now to anonymously do something good to him. I have no clue what you can do, but think about it, if you want. Maybe you can send him a gift. Or something.
In the meantime, I do think you should forgive yourself (if you haven't already) and move on. Don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone has done things they're not proud of, probably even Gay Dude himself. Maybe this is his karma coming around.
You've promised not to do something like that again, and that's what's important.
And for the record, it's not my place to judge you or anyone else. Yeah, we all have opinions about what's acceptable or inacceptable, ethical or unethical, but who am I to judge?! Our lives are a series of ongoing actions. This was one of your 'bad' ones, in my opinion. But how would I know what made you do it? And how you're suffering as a result from it? It's not my place to judge.
I do HOPE, however, that you've done enough 'good' in your life to counter this massacre of an experience :) best of luck with that.
7:46 PM
but i have been thinking about ur sentence could it have been fate, and it very well could have been. maybe it is his destiny and urs.
11:38 AM
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