Mechanical Crowds

Israel Is Not An Enemy

2011-09-17T02:45:00.003+02:00

I was raised in Egypt with the mindset that Israel is our sworn enemy. I was bombarded by the media since childhood of images explicit and implicit of a good-vs-evil type relationship between the two countries, and you can guess who was the evil. One example that comes to mind is the Egyptian 'pocket books' series for youth called “Ragol El Mustaheel” or “Man of the Impossible” which was and still is immensely popular. This James Bond-type fiction is littered with overt anti-Israeli attitudes. Virtually all the Israeli characters in those books were sneaky, conniving, immoral, brutish villains willing to do ANYTHING to further their means. I must have read about 150+ of these books. This is in addition to other forms of media, teachers, and general public attitude when it comes to Israel resulting in a self-propagating brainwash wave. A sociologist/psychologist can provide a scientific opinion on this type phenomenon but that's my two-cents. It is so as-a-matter-of-fact in Egypt that I've never seen someone pose the question: Why is Israel the enemy?

Differentiating anti-Israeli/anti-Zionism from anti-Semitism is always tricky but I would say that what I experienced was mostly the former with a little bit of the latter. Anti-Semitism seemed to have been more popular with the religious. I'm sure this general anti-Israeli sentiment rampant in Egypt is evident in polls, and I know it to be true having lived in there and seen it first hand.

I propose that this is only the case because of non-rational, dogmatic behavior stemming from the Palestinian issue as I explain below. Israel is not Egypt's enemy unless Egypt makes it so and continues with this attitude creating a form of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The Palestinian question is not Egypt's problem, though in the recent history of war between Egypt & Israel, you'll find the drivers to be related to that same issue. Why has Egypt cared more about the Palestinian issue than any other world crisis? There is obviously the proximity factor but why should Egypt take the Palestinian side? Objectively, the Palestinian issue is quite complicated historically, morally, and philosophically; having a virtually 100% population support for the Palestinian side is a clear indication that there is a bias. The question is why the bias to the Palestinians? Should we even be biased IF they are genetically closer to us? The answer is no. I am not sure if we are even genetically closer to the Palestinians but what we have in common linguistically and culturally for the most part is due to the Muslim conquests 1400 years ago or so. Unfortunately this 'new' Arab culture displaced a lot of the native Egyptian and Palestinian cultures and hence the commonality -however much that is- that we have now. Should we take sides with another country because we were invaded –and had our cultures somewhat overwritten- by the same people a few hundred years ago? That’s not reason enough for me.

Israel should not be an enemy; she's a neighbour and a potential friend. A healthy relationship between the two countries and people will be mutually beneficial. There are many things to be respected, learned, and shared about Israel, like many other countries with a rich history. I'm sure there are also a few shameful moments in its history, also like many other countries, including Egypt. And I don’t find those moments to be more frequent or severe with Israel than anyone else.

In fact, Egypt does not need new enemies, period. Creating enemies for no reason when you have substantial issues like corruption, illiteracy, population, and extremism to name a few, doesn't make sense one bit. Israel has shown the world some incredible achievements in a short amount of time and a small population. We need to get rid of our irrational bias so we can learn from this A-grade student. There is no doubt in my mind that more trade agreements, information exchange etc with Israel would help both countries. It's unfortunate when you make an enemy for the wrong reasons. It's ill-advised if they are permanently residing next door. And it's just plain stupid if you can help each other instead.

Lions In The Streets Of Egypt

2011-02-03T05:10:00.003+02:00

Here's a word by word msg from someone in Egypt:

i'm reading everybody's stories, some of my friends died/are missing, i'm worried

they tried to release lions on us in my city (we're by tagamu3) -- the army here is sympathetic to us and has been helping us, as well as the local police (they took off their uniforms and joined the neighborhood watch)-- we really lucked out

BUT the thugs are still around, police from the outside, they tried to scare us with this police vehicle that had speakers and they were announcing that thugs were running rampant here and asking for everyone to gather at the banzeena (presumably so they could round us up)

they looted a lot of homes. our gas station is out of gas, and the stores are out of food. we're physically stuck here now.

oh yeah the lions

so after we organized everything, the army arrested some thugs who had weapons and two LIONS in their car, they were trying to fake a zoo break out, ridiculous on many levels-- but there you go, there's our government for you. there's still a lot of gunfire.

i've been wondering what the daily show and snl were saying about all of this, so we're enjoying a good chuckle now, nice to have a breather

still...all my friends who are trying to get medical aid to tahrir are saying the thugs are trying to keep them out--but i think we'll be okay, we outnumber them, we've lost people and what he did today doesn't exactly promote the 'stability' he was promising.

even the people who were initially listening to his bogus speech understand how evil/psycho he is and how one more day is one day too much

it's strange, i understand why i couldn't relate to a lot of people in my socio-economic strata now-- they're NDP bitches :) lovely to see who my real friends are, my parents were right, crises bring out peoples true colors

so proud of my family for being brave and supporting the protests, i feel sorry for the people who have families that are connected to the regime -- well i would if i didn't find what they're saying sickening

im so proud of what i saw in people-- munaqqabas standing beside people drinking beer, socialists secularists muslims and christians all hanging out and happy and respectful

i hope THAT egypt makes it through, and i hope everybody else gets their day in court

okay sorry this was really rambly and inarticulate, i haven't been calm for a week so i've kind of lost the ability to organize my thoughts

get the truth out there!

I Know What You Are

2010-09-25T19:32:00.002+03:00

The Female sex... These are only a couple of words, but they represent so much more than one half of us. What they reveal is a purely human concept; there are no female atoms or galaxies, unfortunately. And these words do not paint the same picture across the board, a distinction quite necessary to make. To a Praying Mantis, for example the picture is quite grim -at best- where the female often consumes the male during mating. Albeit being a human-only understanding, it is impossible to conscientiously deny how special it is.

The female sex is not just one of two possible sexes. It is not a polarity like positive and negative. It is a collection of human notions. It is a culture. It is an ethos. It is a plethora of intricately interwoven ideas defined by centuries of historic and prehistoric maturity of this sex. The more one thinks of any one of the facets that comprise the female personality, the more the awe that ought to be inspired. Though these facets of her personality can be viewed in sets of the material and of the immaterial, they mesh together in eloquent unison. Beautiful and inseparable, the two sets exhibit strong links by how they express each other. Her external features never cease to advertise clues of her esoteric essence.

A notable facet of the immaterial set is perhaps her emotional intelligence. The female sex is very sensitive to the emotional ambiance. She is cognizant of body language and of that which is not spoken. She feels that which your tongue would not say yet your form clandestinely conveys. She is intellectually just as capable as the other sex but is supplemented with an innate intuition for human expression and reaction. This enables her modes to be more fluid and imaginative. Aided by her sublime acumen, linear approaches to real life dilemmas that otherwise often reach dead ends are now more expansive.

Yet another hallmark of her ethos is this undeniable gentleness to her presence, a gentleness that this world doesn't have enough of. She is subtle in her approach, temperate in her words. She is the rays from the horizon that caress your skin at the crack of dawn. She is that sunbeam that calmly imparts its warmth and light that seep into your dream world. Inevitably, though, an aura of attractive vulnerability is thus formed around her as if emanating from a halo over her head. Just as her amiable ways draw you towards her, you cannot help but feel that they also expose her to unwanted exploits. But do not be fooled, her seeming vulnerability is not the end of it. She has immense internal strength. Like her own personal water well, she has untold reserves of pure inner fortitude available for her calling in times of need. Have we all not seen it? Perhaps this combination of tenderness and resiliency is one of the secrets to her allure. It is not but her favorite habit to mold two supposedly antithetical concepts into her own congruous mix.

Indivisible from her complexion is her motherhood. Whether a mother or not, its traits are fundamental to her nature. And what a vast reservoir of endurance and strength motherhood is. As if not endowed with enough, her reserves are expanded infinitely with this persuasive bond. Like an unstoppable cosmic force, her maternal spirit does not yield until the objects of her affection are safe, sheltered, and cared for. This devotion is not just directed towards her children, there are unmistakable undercurrents of motherhood for her lovers and her family. What a great and divine power this is, indeed worthy of worship as succumbed to by many in our past.

And like her character, her body displays symbols of her motherhood before and without her bearing of children. What are her breasts if not icons for the nurture she provides to her dependents? Though overshadowed in the eyes of many by their role in her sexuality, this dual design does not diminish their grace but multiplies it. Arguably objectively beautiful to the sexually indifferent, these two springs of love stand majestically as testaments to what gifts she is capable of bestowing. They stand as a profound blend of sexual and maternal magnetism that calls hauntingly to the deepest of our instincts. They are but two voluptuously curved cradles for the human elixir of life indispensable to every human child. And there should be absolutely no shame in them; carry them in pride she ought to. Wear these monuments of passion -culminating in the most sensitive of pinnacles- in pride she ought to. Are they not reminiscent of her character? Again she combines two seemingly irreconcilable perceptions, the sexual and the maternal, into one or in this case two beautiful elements.

South of the two affluent fountains is another confounding wonder. Again the sexual and the maternal are juxtaposed into one. This time it is the gate into which life enters incomplete and comes out whole, ready for its turn. It is the door behind which an unfathomable succession of miracles take place to produce what is known as a human being. There could not be a place more sacred. And just as unfathomable is its complete workings as the center of her sexual feats, with hidden treasures baffling their seekers for ages. Individually unique, this blush rose is once more a portrayal of the her ethos: beautiful, complex and life-giving.

On top of her physical splendor, her tantalizing movements possess a certain elegance that complements the smooth arcs of her silhouette. One comprehends this instantly upon seeing her figure sway to progressions of musical innuendos, like a gliding feather in a gentle breeze. Only this feather does not settle without foretelling of visions evocative of another elaborate play that it may partake in. Not only can she adapt to the secret cues whispered to her in the acoustic monologue, but also subdue it to the whims of her vocal chords. And when she does, her voice disinclined to disobey her ethos, carries the breadth of her character along with every sound wave that make up its timbre. This is one of the domains that she excels at: the spread of charm and harmony rather than confrontation and violence. And oh how the world needs not the latter.

Abort her? Mutilate her? Abuse her? Hide her? Harass her? Veil her? Brainwash her? Marginalize her? No! She does not belongs to you. She is her own and no one else's. She's been mistreated, to put it mildly, for centuries by patriarchal societies either blind or afraid of her capacity. So much and for so long this grave offense has been taking place that she herself doubts her incredible potential. Her persona, Her culture, Her ethos deserves nothing but reverence, appreciation, and recognition. It deserves a place in the forefront of our ideologies, and maybe then can we hope for a better fate.

I Killed My Dinner With Karate Kick 'em In The Face

2010-09-19T07:10:00.004+03:00

Father: Son, why are you not in touch with us as before? We call you, leave messages and you barely return them. You don't ask how we are doing and you don't come and visit. Do you want to run with my pack?

Son: Our level of contact will not be any more than what I am comfortable with.

Father: What do you mean?

Son: Imagine this is like any relationship between two people. The degree of communication or contact is the amount least desired by one party. For example, if a boy is after a girl or vice versa, or a girl wants to befriend another girl, it is not forced upon the sought-after by the seeker how much they get to talk.

Father: What about us? We need you? Your mother needs you. Meet me half way.

Son: This is not an argument. We should shine a light on. It is not a negotiation. Because from the sought-after point of view, it's either this much contact or none at all.

Father: You dislike our company that much? Do you deny that I am your father?

Son: No, that's a fact.

Father: Do you think this is a normal relationship between father and son?

Son: It's not easy to answer whether this is 'normal' or not. We don't see what's behind closed doors. We get glimpses from books and movies but there's no telling if it's accurate or not. Regardless of the answer though, it has no bearing on my position.

Father: Doesn't family mean something to you?

Son: It's an arbitrary biological link that I did not choose. I share more DNA with you than other people, that's the link. The general emotions that people feel for their families are for evolutionary reasons, not rational choices. I just happen to be aware of these instinctual tendencies but choose my relationships rationally. Do you want me to like you for you or just because we happen to be related?

Father: Oh you remind me of when I was younger. I used to think in a similar way. Do you want to sit at my table? I used to say that I will love my children because of who they are not because they are my children. And trust me, I love you all because I know you not just because you're my kids.

Son: Ok sure. So what?

Father:....

Son: All this does not persuade me to do anything.

Father: Do you love your dad?

Son: Hmm... I don't know if I can answer that. Not because I'm embarrassed to say no, but because love is a tricky word. What does it mean? I read about it in books and see it in movies, but I can't say that I've ever felt it.

Father: You don't love your mother, or your sisters?

Son: I can't say that I do. Like I said, I don't really know if I've ever felt that towards anyone.

Father: You've never loved a girl?

Son: I stand by my answer. And fortune finds me fit and able.

Father: Son, I raised you since you were a baby. I held you in my arms. I was there every step of the way watching you grow up. I've put a lot of effort into making you what you are. I've dedicated my life for my children. Why do you think I did all this? Shallow work is the work that I do.

Son: Again, how does this in argument for me to be closer to you? You had some fun, then you made an investment. I did not choose this. You didn't do this for me either, you did it for you. How is it my job to make sure that you get returns on decisions or investments that you've previously made?

Father: Do you feel no empathy for the sacrifices I've made for your sake?

Son: Like I said, those were your decisions not mine. You took some chances and I guess it didn't pay off. I happen to be that investment but it's not my responsibility to justify those decisions now. I did not sign an agreement to do anything when I was being born.

Father:... I know I don't own you. You are a free man. My fighting fame is fabled.

Son: Let me put it in another way. I don't owe you anything. If we are going to talk in the future it would be because I want to. And this I think is more honest than to see you because you happen to be family.

Father: I agree but let me ask you something. Do you resent me for something that I've done? Have we done something that made you feel this way about us?

Son: Nothing in particular. My view of you is a collection of what I know about you and what you've done. Just like anyone else.

Father: I know I've made some mistakes in the past but I just wanted the best for you. I have progressed so much from how my father raised me. Look at your relatives and see. None of them have an open mind like me. I gave you a lot of space and I let you do what you wanted. I may have been over protective at times but that's for your own benefit.

Son:...

Father: I know I pried in your matters behind your back; but that's because you wouldn't tell me the simplest things saying that it's your right not to say. I really appreciated how you handled that afterwards. But I only did this as a father who deeply cares about his son.

Son: No, this has no bearing on my position. What's done is done. I am not here to judge your actions. Nor do I want to. It's none of my business. You don't have to explain yourself to me. Like I said, you to me are the sum of your character and your actions as whole. But I can tell you that I'm not a person who would hold someone to something in their past.

Father: I just hope you can put yourself in my position and appreciate how I felt. I had to know. And I probably know more than what you think I know but I never went there again.

Son: I can't put myself in your position. And I would rather not talk about specifics. That's not what we're here for is it?

Father: Pray that what you lack does not distract. I hope that you can forgive me for those things but the way I raised you is a 'giant leap' compared to how we were raised Son.

Son: Forgiveness is like love, I have not felt it. Someone does something that I don't like repeatedly then I distance myself from them. I don't sit and think whether I've forgiven them for their actions or not. But to rest your mind, those particular occasions that you're thinking of have nothing to do with this. You are a collection of your actions and this is but one of them.

Father: Then why are we at this point?

Son: I've already told you but you insist on reading between the lines.

Father:...

Son: And even when you run, through my mind,

Father:...what?

Son: Something else is in front, you're behind.

Her Heavy Wings Will Warp Your Mind

2010-06-09T04:35:00.002+03:00

So I read on the news that "Islamist lawyers" wanted to ban One Thousand And One Nights!

That's ridiculous. Controlling ideas is one of the reasons why Egypt is behind. We gotta get out of this shell and break free. Have you ever compared Egyptian music lyrics to foreign songs? Egyptian songs are always so predictable and shallow and 90% of them about love. There is more to life than boy loves girl! Look at songs from other places and you'll find a lot of creativity & imagination. Open your freggin mind...

I say the hell with all these mind cuffs... Read The 120 Days of Sodom.... classic masterpiece. Pass it on! Free your mind.

No, I Am Not An Arab

2009-08-19T07:55:00.006+03:00

It's nice and simple:

December 639 AD: Muslim Arabs under Amr Ib Al-as invaded Egypt with 4,000 soldiers through Sinai.

The 2nd Movement Has Too Many Violins

2009-05-06T08:55:00.000+03:00

See this body as fragile and transient as foam.
Know that it is as insubstantial as foam,
And thereby destroy the tempter's flowery arrows,
And put yourself beyond death's grasp.

Just as a raging flood sweeps away a sleeping village,
So does death claim a man of distracted mind,
As he continually seeks more and more
Of life's fleeting pleasures.

Death drowns the unsatisfied man,
Whose restless mind clutches
For greater and greater pleasures.

~Dhammapada

We Are Damaged Provider Modules

2009-04-23T08:05:00.000+02:00

A few days ago I had a first date set with this girl. It was a last minute thing, I had a two hour gap in my Saturday night so when we talked that day, we decided she would come over and we would hang out. About 1 hour before our date, I got a message from her saying she has to cancel! Apparently, her friend had a bad day and she had to stay with her. Ya right!

Now some people might be cool with occasional date cancellations but it seems that I have acquired some sensitivity to that over my naive romantic history. One of my noteworthy 'relationships' going back to a few years ago now was characterized by consistent, short-notice, sms-based date cancellations. And it wasn't just one or two dates I'm embarrassed to say... it was maybe 5 to 10 dates consecutively called off with a variety of excuses. I don't quite recall all of the excuses, but I know dentists, hospitals, and friends having bad days were involved. It appears that this past experience has made me a bit thin-skinned to being almost stood up like that.

This time, though, I wasn't disappointed that I wasn't gonna see the girl. I honestly don't care for her that much. I was more disappointed in myself; that I let someone cancel on me again. Now I've become very skeptical to any excuses for canceling. Excuses are complete fabrications until proven otherwise. Either she has found something better to do or she is having second thoughts about seeing me. And either scenario cannot be very good to a man's ego.

Now back to the story, I called her just to hear her put the excuse in a sentence and see if I could tell if she was sincere or not. I obviously couldn't tell, we've become very good liars these days we believe our own lies. So I just ended the call with a few short OKs. A few minutes later she sent me a message saying she felt bad but her friend really wasn't feeling well and scheduled our date to the following day. So far so good, you might think. But as I fell asleep that night, I knew I wasn't gonna see her, I knew that I didn't want to.

About 1 hour before our new date, I sent her a message -reminiscent enough of her own message to make her wonder if it's retribution, but not enough to make her certain- that I can't make it! Needless to say she freaked out, as much as can be with text messages and missed calls anyway. The most interesting of which was a message saying "i'll make it worth your while". And apparently she was already on her way. I replied back with short, polite but neutral sorrys without admitting it's on purpose. I don't think that she wanted to see me that bad, I think she just didn't want this to happen to her.

I can't say that I've enjoyed her pain/frustration. I didn't do it to get back at her. I did it to prove to myself that I don't need you, generic woman, to get off your high horse and find time in your busy schedule for me. I don't need that kind of treatment. I'm not gonna beg you to see me, in fact, you should be the one begging me.

All My Friends Are Skeletons

2009-04-06T06:00:00.000+02:00

Disconnect Your Head

2009-03-28T20:30:00.000+02:00

There is someone in my bed but still I felt lonely as I got up and for some reason thought of you. I just wanted you to know that as consciousness was seeping in to my head this morning so was thoughts & memories of you. I was just wondering how you were doing now and where in the world are you. I know I it's been ridiculously long since we talked but it's just what happened. I care about you and I wanna know how things are going for ya. Tell me you are ok. Tell me you figured things out. They are in the bathroom now so I gotta finish up. Maybe you meant to me more than I meant to you but even so -actually it's not a maybe, I'm sure of it now- I just hope you care enough not to leave me wondering about you like this.

And The Bitterness I Felt

2008-09-07T21:20:00.000+02:00

Mmm, I haven't blogged in so long. Blogging just brings back so much memories it's been hard getting to this page again! But let's not talk too much about that and move on. Well, let's change gears. Here's a list of my top MUSIC turn ons :).

One of the sexiest things a girl has done for me is take out a pen and a pad and write down the music that I liked, and yes that did happen. (I guess either I'm not getting much or I'm into music that much.)
I love it when my favorite artists cover one another. Or when they cover a song that I really like. It's really cool when you find out that your favorite bands dig the same stuff that you do. They're tend to be hard tracks to find for some reason. For example, Radiohead covering Bjork's Unravel and Portishead's The Rip, or Bjork covering Billie Holiday's Gloomy Sunday, or Death Cab For Cutie covering a few Bjork tracks, or Damien Rice covering White Stripes' Seven Nation Army, or Lole Y Manuel covering a few Um Kalthoum tracks, or Tori Amos covering REM's Losing My Religion, or Seu Jorge covering David Bowie's Space Oddity, or Dave Matthews Band covering Bob Dylan's All Along The Watchtower, or Natacha Atlas covering Jacques Brel's Ne Me Quitte Pas, or Devendra Banhart covering Janis Joplin's Summertime. You get the idea right? If you have any recommended covers, do post.
I love it when I talk to someone, introduce them to an artist and then find out months or years later that they've become hardcore fans of that artist. I just get this weird sexual attraction to that person once they admit that they now love that music! It hasn't happened too many times, but I've made a few Bjork, Radiohead, and Devendra Banhart fans along the way. Of course, the opposite happened a lot more.
I get this narcissistic pleasure when I think of the tracks that I have for these obscure smalltime artists that you cannot easily find music for. Like I've found these hidden gems that few people heard. For example, Forest City Lovers, Convoj, Larkin Grimm, and Ruba Saqr. The latter is playing in Cairo with Eftekasat by the way, do check her out.

It's Simple We Don't Wanna Kill

2008-04-19T08:40:00.005+02:00

One arguments that opponents of the publishing of the Danish Cartoons, and all other such media, use in Egypt is the laws against Holocaust denial/revisionism that are in effect throughout Europe. The argument goes something like this: Westerners shout free speech when we object to and oppose the publication of Danish Cartoons and Fitna, but when it comes to the Holocaust, they jail anyone who dares to even revise the number of victims. They use that to argue a worldwide global pro-Jews, anti-Islam agenda.

It has always been bothering, this alleged double-standard: You are free to speak if you're challenging Muslim beliefs but you're not free to speak if you're challenging the Holocaust. It has been bothering me for a while but never got the chance to delve into it until recently. Through a discussion with a Canadian/Jewish blogger I got the chance to dig up some info and I made sense out of it.

Here is the deal: It is not illegal to challenge Holocaust data as long as you're doing it from a historical/scientific point of view. It becomes a crime if your arguments are associated with defending these acts or advocating violence. This makes perfect sense. It is not free speech anymore if you're trying to persuade people to kill.

This is from the ISRAELI legislation:

A person who, in writing or by word of mouth, publishes any statement denying or diminishing the proportions of acts committed in the period of the Nazi regime, which are crimes against the Jewish people or crimes against humanity, with intent to defend the perpetrators of those acts or to express sympathy or identification with them, shall be liable to imprisonment for a term of five years.

AND

The publication of a correct and fair report of a publication prohibited by this Law shall not be regarded as an offence thereunder so long as it is not made with intent to express sympathy or identification with the perpetrators of crimes against the Jewish people or against humanity.

Very fair indeed!

Used To The Noose They Obey

2008-04-15T09:35:00.001+02:00

Let's get back to the movie Fitna. I just want to document my disappointment in the Muslims' response. I surfed some blogs and sites to get a feel for the Muslim response... The reaction I found was almost unanimously rage. My disappointment is mainly because of two things:

1- I have not seen a single Muslim yet that disagrees with the movie's message but at the same time recognize Geert Wilders' freedom of speech... i.e. his right to make this movie.

2- I have not seen a verse by verse, frame by frame response to the movie from anyone. A lot accuse it of taking the Quranic verses out of context but they do not get into specifics. Show me how each verse quotes is misinterpreted and what its correct message is! Show me frame by frame, the fallacies in Geert Wilders' arguments. Tell me that Bin Laden & Co. are not Muslims cause they're not getting the Quran right!!

Here are some of the responses I've read/seen:

Schism: This is a short movie made by a Saudi blogger doing with the Bible what Fitna does with the Quran. His argument is one of two: a) the Bible has questionable verses too. b) you can take verses from any book out of context and make it look violent. Throughout his video, it just seemed to me that he was running out of material to showing that the Bible entices violence. Now the Bible has many problems but enticing violence is not among its main ones like it seems to be for the Quran. This blogger chose to attack another 'holy' book instead of refuting the arguments presented in Fitna... why??

Almouftinoun: This is a movie by the Arab European League responding to Fitna. In my opinion, the only thing going on for this movie is the music. This movie mainly shoots down the credibility of Geert Wilders, the film maker. However, it attempts to make dangerous, yet fallacious, argument that being anti-Islam is racist just as Nazism is racist... being anti-Jewish!! However, if what the rest of this movie says about Wilders is true, then he is in fact a racist. The film then moves on to show that Wilder has some ties with Israel and the Mossad. It then makes a bold statement: Zionism is the most aggressive form of racism today. The rest of the movie argues that Muslims are oppressed around the world, but ends taking a shot at the Talmud. Again, what has this movie done to rebuff the accusations made in Fitna on the Quran??? None.

Cairo Today: This is an Egyptian TV show that usually features different guests discussing religious topics and other. The host and the rest of the panel displayed a great deal of rage... unfortunately, nothing else. Some of the guests did mention that the verses were taken out of context and that the translation was coarse but they did not get into specifics. They basically just sat around and condemned the film and called for an action to be taken against the Netherlands.

Islamonline.net: More of the same here again. The official response of islamonline.net just states that the messages in Fitna are ignorant and false. Why??? Tell me why the movie is wrong... give me specifics, give me arguments, condemn all violence in the name of Islam. It only quotes a verse from Quran showing that it's all about peace & love or something to that effect. I'm afraid that's not enough. I did search the site for a point-by-point response but found none!!

Even A Blind Squirrel Finds A Nut

2008-04-06T00:40:00.001+02:00

The following has been bothering me for a while now, among other things. The concept/word of entertainment. When I think of that word I feel its emptiness and disgust at myself at the same time. To me, entertainment includes things like TV, movies, casual readings (magazines & novels for ex.), meaningless outings, solitaire... etc. Entertainment is that which carries no (or very little) beneficial value to the individual but consumes time. I don't think I have to define it further, you know what it means and you know when you're engaging in it.

It sickens me how much time I, and everybody else, spend being entertained! I am fine if you're sitting at a doctor's clinic for example waiting to be admitted and you entertain yourself. It's ok to pick up that magazine. But to actively seek entertainment and make it a goal is depressing. I mean what the hell??? Have we run out of things to learn, problems to solve, or people to help that we just decide to give our time up. To talk about new movies, to gossip about celebrities, to talk about new cars, to play backgammon for hours in a cafe smoking shisha... it's all the same. What are we waiting for? Are we waiting to die and just entertaining yourself till that happens? We're never gonna be this young again. I have a feeling when we grow older we're not gonna look back and cherish the time we've spent watching mindless sitcoms that we've seen many times before!

I wanna cry for all the time that I've spent on such things. What if I had used this time to learn a new language? or get a degree? or educating myself about an interesting topic? or start a project? Forget all that. How about if we had just spent this time contemplating what we wanna do our your lives? What we wanna accomplish before it's all over? Oh well... All I can do from now on is be aware of the high price of entertainment and try to keep it to a minimum. Even if this is just a pointless reflection on my part, at least I'll be self-aware next time I give my life away.

I'm gonna leave you with this excerpt on the thoughts of Martin Heidegger from a book I was reading:

But the danger we face is a sort of everydayness; the danger that the thousand and one cares and little things that we have to deal with in our daily living will take us over. We are in danger of being reduced to the status of utensil. A tool, a utensil, has meaning only if people use it for their own ends. Everydayness is the tapestry of events that tends to reduce us to utensil status, impoverishing or openness to Being, locking us into limited horizons, reducing possibilities, being absorbed into the status of a being, losing the meaning of our own being.

How It Makes You A Weapon

2008-03-29T11:35:00.003+02:00

I'll be back blogging soon. But for now I wanna tell you about this movie called Fitna made by a Dutch politician. It was released on the net only two days ago but due to its anti-islamic nature and the reaction/threats from various Muslim groups it has been pulled off of many sites. One site put this message after taking the film off. However, I did find the movie here:

Fitna Stream
Fitna Download

I haven't seen it yet but I say no to such an assault on free speech!!

Can You Spot A Pattern?

2008-01-13T07:20:00.000+02:00

To further prove the randomness of this blog, here are some excerpts from my life/thoughts:

A friend of mine just had one of the weirdest dreams I've heard in a while. She dreamt she gave birth to twin tea cups. And yes, the cups come complete with the tea! She'd be constantly afraid that the cups would spill if she gave them to someone. If you stir the tea in the cup, a digital number appears on the surface indicating the number of defects in her baby tea cup!

I stayed up all night the other day writing the saddest song ever. It somehow moves me whenever I sing it and I get a lump in my throat and my voice trembles. My voice still sucks nonetheless as you should already know. Let me tell you, it is a little freaky to be moved by something you wrote yourself, but the song is so damn bleak there isn't a shred of light. The lyrics are up for interpretation of course but the tune itself is dark. Err, can't get it out of my head! When my friend Dim came over to try to sing it, he was like "What is this man? I'm choking up"

I had a chance recently to sit down with one of the top 5 religious figures in Egypt. Someone I know set up this appointment for me so I can discuss atheism with this guy. Now, I wasn't the one going after this meeting but was more like coerced into it. They were like "Just try, what is there to lose? maybe he'll answer your questions... etc." So I didn't wanna be the one backing out so I decided to go.

An atheist friend of mine was interested so we went together. After a few failed attempts to see this guy (he's very busy as you can imagine) we finally sat down with him. I am not gonna go through our debate, but it's enough to say that the guy was overwhelmed. I don't wanna be biased but I don't think he was able to answer any of our questions/arguments successfully. I as disappointed and satisfied at the same time. I was disappointed that a guy in his status has such embarrassingly weak positions against what we said. I mean, my friends give me a better run for my money. And satisfied cause it enforced the idea that all my reading/pondering is not trivial after all, that it at least can make a few faithful people stop and think for a bit.

We spent the last half hour of the meeting talking politics and making jokes, as the dude realized that we were not getting anywhere with our discussion. It was a dead end; he could not answer us, and he's obviously not gonna give up his faith.

I was riding the car with a couple of my friends when one of them exclaimed "We were just saying that you've been acting strange." (Arabic "ghareeb al atwar"). So I asked him what he meant when he said we. He then listed 4 or 5 names. Hmm... I didn't know what to say. I wasn't in the mood for confrontations... hearing how people feel about me and telling how I feel about them, so I brushed it off. Do they see me as the outcast now? Is it my atheism? Is it my secrets? Is it my libertarianism? It my quietness? (I tend to speak when I have something useful to say, I don't ramble) I don't think I care that much though, I sorta agree anyway!

"But the ancient Egyptians show little inclination to distinguish consistently between the two [event and ritual], and indeed it might be argued that Egyptian ideology during the pharaonic period was reliant on the maintenance of some degree of confusion between real happenings and purely ritual or magical acts." ~The Oxford History of Ancient Egypt, page 4

Still true now, isn't it?

There Is A Woman In Somalia

2008-01-03T06:25:00.000+02:00

There's this song that has always managed to bring me down even in my happiest moments. The song is called Pearls, by smoky Sade (go check it out!). I keep wondering if it is the song or if it's the mysterious human need for melancholy. I also keep wondering if it is a human need or specifically my own! Or is it me miraculously anticipating what is to come? Actually, believe it or not, I did write the last few lines in my happy times, part of an unfinished draft post. But, alas, it's no miraculous anticipation; there is no reason to feel gloomy after all!

In spite of my weak memory, I do remember. I vividly remember it, my uneventful life. I would estimate that it has been so until maybe 5 years ago. The change was gradual but lately it has been too eventful; I feel like I'm in a movie or a book or something. This stuff doesn't really happen, does it?? This stuff is crazy man. But hey, at least when I'm an old geezer I'll have a few stories for my grand children. I guess the grass isn't always greener on the other side after all; I'd rather be it too eventful than monotonous. Is there a chance that I'll ever take that back?

Do you ever meet friends that ask questions like "What's new man?" or "What have you been up to lately?”? Well, I do all the time and my answer is pretty much the same. "Not much" or "Same Old" I say with a silly smile on my face. Oh if they only knew! It is very nasty keeping things to yourself, not being able to share. When someone asks me that, my brain always does a quick ctrl+F for any tellable news that I might have, yielding no results usually. I too, like everyone else wanna seem interesting. I too wanna raise their eye brows or shake their heads. Instead, I have to look in their eyes, smile, and hide the mayhem inside me. At least on my blog I can say that there are things that I cannot say :D.

Wust El Balad's Album Review

2007-12-23T09:40:00.000+02:00

I have been following the Egyptian band Wust El Balad for a long time now, ever since they started playing in that corner of cozy club After Eight in downtown Cairo. They played there twice a week for years maybe. Their live shows were amazing, everyone danced to their latin/rock/arabic fusion. It was great. Back then, that was unprecedented. The weren't any other indie bands like that at the time, it was just the usual Arabic pop that people listened to. The band concept is a very recent addition to the Egyptian music scene thanks to Wust El Balad to a very large degree. Not only that, but they were also among the first to combine the western band instruments with an Arabic sound... i.e... electric/acoustic/bass guitars. The oud player added a very nice touch to their sound though he was not a constant member of the group. They even experimented with the banjo many times, successfully. Their sound was very rich, diverse, and cared not for any boundaries. Even their lead singer experimented with beatboxing during the live shows!

You must be wondering why I'm using the past tense. Well, that's because I have been a little disappointed in them the last year or so. They are no longer that small indie group. They are now mainstream and they have catered to that. They sound more poppish nowadays much like all the Arabic pop playing on tv, though they still retain part of their old sound. And it's not just the type of music they play that has disappointed me, but also their performance on stage.

However, that does not undermine their impact. Current Egyptian bands like Cairokee, Black Theama, Limousine, and Salalem, etc owe a lot, if not everything, to Wust El Balad. I hope they get their groove back soon.

Well, finally their long awaited album is here. I think this album has been in the making for a long time cause I remember talking to them a few times in 2003 after their concerts when they told me that they're releasing the album soon! Well here is my review, song by song:

01 Arabily (Come Closer)
Above average. I like this song though I think it would have been better had they recorded it live. The rhythm/drums just feels a little electronic and it lacks their trademark three-rhythm-guitars sound. The material of the song, i.e melody & lyrics, is good but could be done better in my opinion.

02 Wust El Balad (Downtown)
Average. This is fan favourite that usually closes their set and can last up to up to 15mins. I am very familiar with this song from their concerts and I have to say that the live version is 1000 times better. It features a lot more soloing, both vocal and instrumental. This studio version does not do it justice and makes it sound like a silly kids song. Why did they leave out the part when the song becomes a jazz song, a classic arabic song, then goes back to the main chorus? That was great genre mashing. Err!

03 Shams El Nahar (Morning Sun)
Excellent. I like this song a lot. I haven't seen it being played live before, maybe it's new. It has this very obvious Jewish/Klezmer feel to it; I'm not sure if they're aware of this or not. I am a fan of Klezmer music if you don't know. The saxophone solo is very well done and fits the song. The lyrics are happy and seem to be about the singer's soon-to-be-acquired freedom.

04 Antika (Antique)
Sucks. Well I never liked this song to begin with, live or not, though it is a big fan favourite in concerts. The lyrics are too cheesy for my taste and music a little childish. However, this CD version is tolerable. They arabic tabla seems more pronounced and that gives it a little oriental touch.

05 Yemken (Maybe)
Average. Is it me or is Adham's voice a little off at times in the song? If you haven't known, Adham is the band member that usually sings in the Arabic style/scale. Sometimes this doesn't work that well with the western music, this is such a case... or maybe I haven't acquired the taste yet, but most likely the former. The guitar and bass solos though are nice.

06 Hela Hop (Untranslatable)
Sucks. I hate this song. Hate it!!The melody is childishly trivial it becomes annoying. What the hell are they singing about? I hate when they sing together like a choir. One of their worst songs ever... yuck.

07 3am Mina (Mr. Mina)
Average. This is another fan favourite. The lyrics are about Coptic/Muslim peaceful coexistence told in a story about two characters, 3am Mina and Sheikh Amin. I like it though the live version again is a little better.

08 Magnoon (Crazy)
Average. The song just gets a little too repetitive for me but the lyrics are good. The song is about globalization and the singer being "crazy in love" with human beings!

09 Etkalemy (Talk)
Average. I don't know, it's too slow and lacks any distinct sound!

10 Kol Lel Maliha (Ask The Maiden)
Excellent. The song is formerly known as Eritrea. This is the CD highlight for me. It expresses Wust El Balad's experimental spirit. It is a very unusual song by any standards and defies classification into any genre. The intro starts with the electric guitar and oud echoing the song's catchy motif. It is followed by a sweet classical guitar solo, then a oud solo, then a rock/metal guitar solo. Good stuff!! The vocals come in with the indecipherable lyrics, I'm not even sure if it's arabic. There's a lot going on in this song including ambiance chords and time signature changes. Adham does a good job with the oriental vocals. They do not go back to the intro motif in the outro though I wish they had.

It looks like my review was largely negative, oh well. They should look into releasing a live album cause that's where they really shine in my opinion. And I wish they had put their better songs on this CD. Tracks like Ayouha Al 7ob, Khalas Mesafra, Tesra', and Ya Leil should have been on here. Anyways, keep rocking Wust El Balad and stay free...

Two Against The World

2007-11-16T19:55:00.000+02:00

Very soon my dear. I almost can't believe it, but very soon it will happen. I can hardly wait for it to come. The moment we close our eyes and float up high. It is true that I haven't forgotten the taste of your mouth or the texture of your lips, but a memory cannot be enough. Can you picture it? I can't get it out of my head... our lips meeting again, hearing you breathe, smelling your skin, holding you...

I wanna get lost in that moment and I want nothing else on my mind... not what's around us, not the future... nothing. Let's live the moment and enjoy it. Let's not think about what is going to happen. Let's not figure things out. Let's not think about any possible goodbyes. Do you not agree that there is a human need deep inside us that seeks melancholy? Is it not seldom for people to be truly happy? And when they are don't they look for the empty half? Well let's not give in to that... please let us just enjoy the beautiful moments... they all are. Life is very precious, there is no eternal afterlife.

Dina, I wanna forget the world. I wanna immerse my senses in your being. I wanna let go of all these worldly worries and live in our own carefree universe with the sole purpose of enjoying one thing... only one. I wanna create this universe with my own arms around you. I know you are more than strong enough to face the world alone, you already have; but I can't help wanting to shield you with my arms. My arms are the universe and your shelter. I wanna smell your hair as you rest your head on my shoulder and clear your head from all that you've ever worried about in your life. Angels like you deserve that.

Though you lack the wings, you really are an angel, Dina. Your purity and innocence for one, they amaze me. Even your voice carries it. How you can be a grown up and a little kid at the same time is a puzzle for I have long since lost the kid in me. You are as transparent as an angel's apparition. And your skin carries that too! Your fragility moves something inside me that makes me wanna dedicate my life to safeguarding you. Yet I know you've got great strength inside you, stronger than I could ever be... you've already shown it. That's what an angel is to me.

Yes very soon... start parting your lips.

Play Something For Your Supernatural Friends

2007-11-14T03:40:00.000+02:00

I was in that zone between sleep and consciousness. That zone where you're conscious enough to know that you are in bed trying to sleep, yet quite a bit of dream-logic makes its way to your head. By dream-logic I mean that which makes perfect sense when you're sleeping yet no sense at all in the light of day. So, I was there, in that zone. I was hearing sounds. No, scratch that... I was hearing movement. This is something that has happened before but always turns up to be nothing. I laid in bed for maybe 5 mins contemplating whether I should let go of being in this zone to check it out or not. I really didn't want to start off my insomnia that night.

I got up looking around in my dark room for an object also suitable as a weapon. I held my acoustic guitar from the neck, almost like a bat. I opened the door just a little more for me and my guitar. I walked slowly down the hall trying to identify the source of the sound with dream-logic not completely gone from my head. I always thought I had silent footsteps, no matter the shoes... and I did not make a sound barefoot, my joints didn't even crack. I cannot describe the sound anymore than saying that it sounded like movement... or maybe movement of objects as a result of a bigger movement! The sound was coming from somewhere by the cabinet near the dinning table. From the hallway I couldn't see the cabinet or the dinning table cause they're around a corner. I'd have to actually get to the end of the hall then look to the right to see what's going on.

Let me tell you I was scared to the bone. It was clear this time that the sound was not gonna be classified under wind, ceiling fan, or mice. As I was carefully walking down the hall, I knew this was gonna be along the lines of ghost, demon, or alien... thief sounded like a best case scenario at the time. If you know me, you know that ghosts freak me out! I mean not in movies, they don't. But the thought of my teenage friend's ghost or grandma's ghost appearing to me gives me goosebumps. It is mostly scary because I don't believe in any of that stuff. See, to me, ghosts, angels, and demons don't exist, so if one of them appeared to me, it would shatter my whole logic to pieces. Aliens wouldn't scare me as much as ghosts, maybe cause they're not supernatural enough.

So there I was trying to figure out who's ghost it will be or what I'm gonna say to the alien playing with my stuff. Then a sudden adrenaline rush brought some sense into me. It must be a thief. My brain did a ctrl+F on any other possible explanations with zero results. So I decided I'm gonna be stealthy till I get to that corner, and then I'm gonna be quick and give that bastard a piece of my guitar. Remember, stealthy then quick. This is the moment everyone waits for, where they get to actually live out a scene in a movie, I thought. You know when you watch a movie and wonder what you will do if that was you? Well, I thought, this is the time were I live it out... and I'm not gonna be clumsy or stupid like all the victims the villain manages to kill. I'm gonna surprise that thing, whatever or whoever it is, it's gonna regret ever coming in here.

My primal instincts kicked in again and images of supernatural beings (mostly ghosts) popped into my head. My rational and primal reached the compromise that if it turns up to be a ghost I can scream but still put an offensive.

As I reached the end of the hall, I adjusted the grip on my guitar preparing for that switch to superhero MC, but as I did, I also plucked the high E string!! Oh Crap!

Moral of the story: Don't try to be stealthy with a musical instrument.

The strangest thing I've found in this apartment are a few envelopes with plastic bags filled with soil (tiny stones and sand)!! Any ideas?

Maybe a month ago I was out with a few friends (mostly couples) going to a cafe in Korba, Beano's I think. So after we park they guys decide that they don't like Beano's after all and settled for Chilli's. So instead of taking the car again we decide to walk it. So as we're walking to go past this small cafe that's a few steps underground... I can't remember what it's called. I glance over at the cafe and I see my good friend Dib sitting on a high chair smoking away. Now, let me tell you a little about Dib.

Dib is one of the smartest people I know. He's very thin, and he's got a boyish Sylvster Stalone look if that is at all possible. He's on the shy side. He wouldn't speak a word if there wasn't some specific meaning behind it. I've known Dib since KG and maybe earlier. He was a neighbour, a school mate and a friend. We were best friends for a long time then we happened to lose touch for a few years but managed to get back in touch last couple of years maybe. A few months ago I tried to rekindle our friendship to what it was in the old days but all I got was unreturned phone calls, so I eased off.

What started my efforts to rekindle the relationship is two things. First, I missed the old times and and longed the intellectual conversations. The second reason is a 3 hour phone call with him one late night after an instant message from him that said "i'm all freaked up man." Of course he used the other f-word. In that phone call, I'd like to think to myself that I talked him out of suicide. As for the reasons for his depression, I don't think he was/is being entirely honest.

After that call I tried keeping in touch more often but instead he was totally ignoring me. Even if you're suicidal, unreturned phone calls and messages are not altogether forgivable. So I thought that was rude and I couldn't guess the reason. I thought maybe I pushed too hard for it... maybe he felt he said too much... maybe he just doesn't like me. (why does this sound gay?). Anyways, so let's get back to my story.

I was walking by and I see him in the cafe. I asked my friends to wait up while I go in and say hi to Dib. The place was quite busy, I think it was a Thursday. Buena Vista Social Club's El Carretero was playing. We shook hands and exchanged hellos. I decided not to corner him and ask him about the now humongous number of unreturned phone calls... and he seemed to like that, he played along and never mentioned it. I saw two mugs in front of him so I guessed he was with a friend that was in the bathroom. Anyways, our conversation went like this:

Me: How have you been man?
Dib: I'm okay MC.
Me: What have you been doing lately?
Dib: You know, just busy at work... the usual problems with the folks...
Me: Ya? Anything serious?
Dib: Hmm.. Na... just had a big fight with my dad today that's all. I don't feel like going home tonight. Hey, these are your friends?

My friends were waiting and I could have said goodbye right there. But I felt that Dib was reaching out for help again. But why does he reach out then ignore me?? Maybe I just needed to feel good about myself.

Me: You know what! I never carry an extra copy of my keys but I just happen to have one cause my cousin was staying with me for a few days. Take this key and if in the next few days you're having more problems with your folks and wanna sleep over just come by. I have to go, but we'll talk later.

Moral of the story: None.

Thank Luck And Randomness

2007-10-15T15:07:00.000+02:00

I haven't been posting cause my laptop broke down (well, partially), but I'll be posting more frequently soon. So anyways, a few days ago we were having a small games night at a friend's place when at about 2:30am we learn that there's a fire a few floors above. We hurry down, after disconnecting the power, gas, etc. We look up and find that it's not a small fire at all. Me and a buddy go up again in a heroic whim only to find the narrow stairs jam packed mostly with 40+ women with similar heroic whims. Why?? That striked me as very unsafe as anybody wanting to escape the fire would be in serious trouble. I saw that and hurried down thinking "ah MC get back to your senses, this is Egypt." I'm telling you, in no more than 30mins there was what seemed to be a 1000 people spectating, and that was at 3am. I'm pretty sure nobody got hurt so that's good.

That's nothing compared to last night though. Ah, here comes one of my vague incident reference again but there's nothing I can do about it. So ya, definitely last night makes my top 5 most unusual, exciting, entertaining, and socially awkward all nighters ever. It started when I was talking with a British expat that I've just haphazardly been introduced to. About 30 seconds into our semi-drunk atheism/theism debate (always makes a good bar conversation :) she fired a typical British-sounding "Fuck off!" That's probably one of the shortest times it's taken a girl to tell me that... or it's taken me to corner a theist is another way of looking at it. Ah, but that's how the night got started. Don't even bother asking me about the rest of the night, I promised to be tight-lipped.

Too Keen On God

2007-09-19T11:15:00.000+02:00

I only capitalized the word god in the title cause I've been doing that to all words in my titles so far. In here though, I'm not gonna capitalize it. Why would I? Out of respect? Respect for an imaginary concept is as meaningless as talking to it.

I tell you, I am reminded of my atheism many times a day living in Egypt. This country has been obsessed with imaginary super beings for thousands and thousands of years. From Ammon to Aten, and from Jesus to Allah, they've always been a big part of life for Egyptians. The concept of god is ingrained in everyday life here in Egypt. It is weaved with Egyptian speech, attitude, and way of thinking. That's in addition to all the activities this all-powerful being wants you to do. So much energy going into something that cannot be proven don't you think?

If you wanna live your life chasing promises made by something that you've never seen so be it, but at the very least don't force that on me. Yes, don't force your beliefs on me. Don't ask me if I wanna pray, or why I'm not gonna pray with you if I say no. Don't make me hear calls to prayer 5 times a day. Don't give me books to read if you won't take books from me. Don't ask me to say a meaningless phrase after a prophet's name. Don't make me kiss the priest's hand. Don't answer me in words that pertain to your beliefs like "god willing" and "god will take care of it." Don't ban/edit movies or music just because they don't agree with what you believe in. Don't force your morality on me. Don't force on me the laws that come from your holy books. They are holey and not holy to me. Don't expect me not to eat in public during some random lunar month, I don't share those beliefs.

It is enough that non facts were fed to me in my childhood. How could you do that? How could you tell a little kid that so and so is true? How could you not tell him/her that you have no proof of what you're saying? How could you make him/her participate in rituals if he was not told the truth and given the choice? It's a crime. Yes, it's enough those years I spent reading ancient books and talking to nothing. It is enough that you filled my head with man-made myths when I should have been learning about the real world. Any religion that tells you that you will have 72 virgins in heaven or that you have to eat your lord's flesh and drink his blood or that you just happen to be a supreme being's chosen people is clearly a man-made myth. I have to live with a family that feels sorry for me since I'm going to hell cause I choose to think.

Chained To The Pillars

2007-09-07T08:25:00.000+02:00

The other day I attended a Zar at a place called Makan. Like you, I had no clear idea of what a Zar is. The only thing in common between what I read on wikipedia and what I actually saw was the use of the Tanbura, a harp-looking stringed instrument, and the Mangour, a strange percussive instrument that is worn as a belt. It was just a musical performance, nothing more.

The moment I walked into this place one word popped into my head: 'authentic'. Even the air smelled Egyptian or Nubian... and that's as far as I can describe that smell for you. Let's get down to business though and talk about Mazaher, the group that performed this Zar. As you might guess I don't care much about the spirituality/healing/energy crap, I am interested in the music and cultural aspect and what I saw and heard impressed me. Here are the highlights very briefly...

Mazaher has two star performers, the Ney player, and Madiha. They Ney player displayed some remarkable mastery of his instrument. He was soloing with that thing like he was born with it. I have no idea how he can do that without musical education. Very good stuff. The real deal here though is Madiha. She's a very charismatic Nubian woman with a powerful voice of which she is in complete control. First of all, you'll find yourself unable able to take your eyes off her. Second of all, your heart will just sink when she gives you those piercings looks as she sings to you. Those of you who pay attention to lyrics won't be disappointed either, religious songs aside. Stop what you're doing right now and start making plans to go see it with your friends. You have to!!!

How Days Creep By

2007-09-04T04:30:00.000+03:00

I would have liked to leave the last post on for a little longer, but maybe I'll just have to post more similar posts. Anyways, here is another one of my favourite artists from Iceland. Her name is Emiliana Torrini. She will strike you as very Bjork if that is at all possible. She's more acoustically inclined I guess, but her music is still unclassifiable.

The name of this track is actually Tuna Fish! The song has a very refreshing simplicity to it. I love the look on her face as she tries to find the mood of the song before she starts... brilliant. The cuteness of her voice is undeniable, reminds me of a particular someone.

I Haven't Seen Those Eyes Before

2007-08-30T18:25:00.000+03:00

One cold night, not too long ago it was just me and her and the rustle of the wind. My recollection of this is somewhat surreal but I'll describe it as best I can. I remember it being an especially dark night though that may not reflect the mood of the story. The sea and the sky were black, and I don't remember seeing the moon that night, but that could've been just me. The sky did show the stars though; I remember looking up and stealing brief moments of consciousness wondering if it was all real or not.

We were not alone, unlike what you might have guessed. There were quite a few bonfires with 10 to 20 people gathered around each one to keep warm. Their fire was a process that involved wood and oxygen but ours was entirely different. They were all faceless too. They had no features, no names, no personality, even as they laughed or sang. You could not shake hands with one of them, like a useless extra in one of your dreams. They had no consequence.... they didn't matter.

To me, that beach is just as anonymous as the people that were there. I think of it as a secret place that you cannot find your way to again if you wanted to. The kind of place that exists only once, just enough for you to make that special memory. I know I can never find this place again. Maybe my brain has resorted to making it a dreamlike memory because it was too good to be a real one. Or maybe my euphoria at the time altered my sense of perception...

We laid on the beach in each other's arms and the wind was blowing hard, but it didn't matter. The faceless crowds too were making noises but it didn't matter either, to us they did not exist. It is hard to find the right adjective for how we kissed. If I said passionately it would be a huge understatement. Our embrace created it's own world. We were so taken over by this embrace that anyone could have came by and stole the blanket under us and we wouldn't notice. I kissed her with all my body and I held her tight. I wanted to be as close as I could possibly be to her. As I savoured her lips and felt the warmth of her body, I knew that there is one way that I would be closer to her. And I knew that that's what I wanted. A few hours went by of us living in our own world that was just created, feverishly trying to become one, oblivious to our surroundings. We got up and packed our things. I remember looking around at the dark sea, the sky, and the colorless sand with my arm around her and realizing that I am not the same man anymore!

Behind The Skin And Muscles

2007-08-20T03:55:00.000+03:00

I've been slowly realizing lately how hard it has become to post personal posts. Even with my level of vagueness I cannot really open up for a million reasons. Anyways... ever had a sad, funny day? You know what I'm talking about? Today was one of those. One of those days that, years from now, will put a smirk on your face as you lean back in your chair, arms behind your head, and recall the moments.

Let me tell you about how my day ended. I was out with a group of not-so-close friends, with the exception of Volks, at a below average Egyptian cafe (balady). I was very hungry (still am, by the way) so I ordered 2 greasy little chicken sandwiches. These balady style cafes usually don't serve food but this one does. Me and Volks were harassing each other when my food came, and this is how it went:

Me: Alright let's stop. My food is here.
Volks: I don't care. (smiling)
Me: Don't bother me while I'm eating, I could be dangerous with this food.
Volks: Are you threatening me? I don't get threatened!! (still smiling)
Me: hmm.... ya ok I'm threatening you.
Volks: Ya? Here.

He then nudges the plate on my lap lightly so one of the sandwiches slides off the plate and onto my jeans, staining them. He laughs. I laugh too and act as if I'm gonna accept it, just so that he lets his guard down. As soon as he does, I grab the sandwich and smear it on his jeans, face down! He tries to move my hand away quickly and grabs the remainder of that sandwich trying to return the favour. We both frantically get up as he stuffs a sandwich down my t-shirt as I simultaneously smudge the other sandwich on his face!! It was a food fight... aaah.

I walked home smelling like cheap mayo, chicken bits in my hair, and bread crumbs down my shirt... but worst of all, I was still hungry... couldn't dare order food after that.

The Spies Hide Out In Every Corner

2007-08-12T12:10:00.000+03:00

I can be stupid sometimes, I amaze myself. So I got a job interview at a respectable big firm. They called to notify me of the interview a whole week beforehand, and that's just too long. But again, maybe I should have written something down. So I get there, after a 50 minutes commute, to find that my interviewer is away on business. I get a little pissed off so I start speaking a little louder to the receptionists, though not yet shouting. How could they be so incompetent and get me here when the guy is away??? So I leave a note in a formally annoyed tone saying that I've come on time but the dude wasn't there. I was so frustrated that day I was venting out to everyone about how I hate such disorganization and lack of common sense in Egypt. The next the lady at the company called me to tell me that I was actually a day early for my interview!! I, of course, had no choice but to insist that she gave me the wrong date and that it's not my fault. To this day I'm not really sure if I was told the wrong date or if it is my memory that played tricks on me and made me go a day earlier. Now that I think about it, I'm leaning towards the latter. Brutal huh?

Err after a story like that, I so feel like blowing my own horn and tell you about what happened to me in Khan El Khalily, but I won't. Actually I did write it then replaced it by this paragraph. It's not nice to brag... uff.

A few days ago I went out with a guy that I didn't know very well. It was a long day but the highlight was the Freedom Cafe. If you don't know it, it's a cheap cafe downtown that serves cold beer, popular amongst tourists and Egyptian films. It was my first time there but it looked so familiar cause I've seen it in a few Egyptian movies already! So mid-way through his beer, the dude hints to his gayness!! He didn't say he was gay but he sorta said that he might be open to trying gay stuff. Saying this is of course a taboo amongst straight guys all over the world. Is that why he wanted to go out or did he really just wanna talk? Anyways so it was tricky from my side conveying to him that I'm cool with gay guys yet I'm not gay. Do I have to show some homophobia in order to appear straight?

I have to go pick up a girl now who's covertly moving out of her parents house in pursuit of freedom. In Egypt, this is an extremely bold step. It's a life changing, one-way decision that only a strong determined woman can take. If I feel like I'm in a movie just going to pick her up, how does she feel???

To Another Place & Time

2007-08-11T01:10:00.000+03:00

This is for you... you know who you are. I wanna tell ya I'm sorry. Yes, I really am. I'm sorry for every moment I did not spend with you. How could I be so foolish? Did I not realize how precious the time we had was? I'm sorry for looking away at some meaningless scenery when the real deal was right beside me. Why the hell was I looking for beauty not right next to me?

I'm sorry for all my stray thoughts about food, drink, and all the trivial nothings when I was with you. I am sorry for my hours of sleep those nights. Pointless hours of hibernation spent without you, yet filled with dreams of you. Why dream when I had you? I'm sorry for letting go of every single embrace. How could I be so cruel on myself?

I'm sorry for... hmm blinking as I looked at ya!!

Gloomy Wednesday

2007-08-01T18:25:00.000+03:00

I Just lost $3,000 USD cash... no money left!!!

I'm Sending Out This Tune

2007-07-29T00:21:00.000+03:00

A lot of my favourite artists are releasing new albums this year which is really exciting. It can be a little scary though. I ask myself what if I don't like their new albums? I've liked most of their stuff in the past but will I like their new stuff?

Bjork released her new album Volta recently. After many listens, which is necessary for an artist like Bjork I thought 4 tracks were brilliant and 4 I really hated. The other 2 I thought were ok. But, as you know with Bjork, tracks that you might hate now might be your favourites later on (Pluto for example).

Keiko Matsui's new album Moyo is excellent. Her music strikes me as a mix between Sade and Omar Khayrat!! Smooth piano jazz, sometimes poppy accessible and sometimes a little sophisticated yet rewarding on the 3nd and 4th listens. I prefer the latter of course. If you're gonna find her album I suggest you go for A Great Romance, Caricias, and Um Novo Dia.

Radiohead is releasing a new album this year, hopefully. Another band that I really like is Oi Va Voi who basically play experimental fusion of Jewish music. You'd really have to listen to know what I'm talking about. Here is a live performance of their self-titled new album. The song is called Black Sheep. Enjoy!!

Oh, btw, if you were expecting a different post, just hang on, it's gonna come eventually!

Where The Morn Meets The Dew

2007-07-09T06:30:00.000+03:00

4:30am is a really weird time to call someone. It is! I mean what is 4:30am?? It is not 'late' and it is not 'early'. It is not the end of the night and it's not the start of the new day. Did you get up early or stay up late to make that call? It is just odd! But that's what happened, my cell phone rang at 4:30am on a weekday. I went to bed at about 3am that night so I wasn't in deep sleep when it rang. I tried to ignore my loud ring tone, but I couldn't. I reached out and answered it. I was sleepy, disoriented, annoyed, and alarmed. It was a female on the other line, and this is how it went:

Me: Hello?
Caller: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Caller: MC?
Me: Yes?
Caller: How are ya? It's me Sally.

She spoke in English. I took a moment to get my English back and gather my thoughts and shake off my dreams.

Me: Sally who? I think you have the wrong number.
Caller: Sally! Sally from New York.

Note: Ya, so places and names are obviously fictional.

Me: Madam, I don't know any Sallys. I'm not sure how you got my number or my name, but it's too late for a prank call right now so I'll have to say goodbye now.
Caller: It's not a prank call. You know that!
Me: Listen, lady I'm not in the mood for this. I have to go back to bed now.
Caller: Why are you pretending?
Me: What???
Caller: Is that you MC?
Me: Are you done with this?
Caller: OK I don't buy it that you don't remember me.
Me: Look, I absolutely have no idea who you are. I only know one Sally and she's my friend's sister and I am quite certain that it's not you.
Caller: What are you doing?
Me: Doing what? Listen, the only reason I haven't hung up right now is because you're a girl and I'm being courteous.
Caller: So what you're just gonna hang up on me now MC?
Me: hmmm... No, but you have to understand how awkward it is for me to get a call from a stranger at 4:30am!!
Caller: I don't know what to say. Can't believe you forgot me.
Me: I'd have to know you first to forget you and I don't!!
Caller: If you are playing with me please stop it now.
Me: Can you please stop this attitude? I'm not doing anything. You're the one who's calling so please get to the point or I'll have to end this.
Caller: ...
Me: Hello?
Caller: Yes.
Me: You have to understand that I am being extremely patient with you. Ok how did you get this number?
Caller: How did I get this number?
Me: Yes, how did you?
Caller: MC, you gave it to me!!
Me: What??
Caller: ...
Me: Ha, I see what this is. Ok, you can stop this prank right now and put whoever it is of my friends that set this up on the line. Is F?? Is it M?? No it must be F... ah or S from overseas... Good one.
Caller: Emm... this is not a prank. No one set this up.
Me: Alright, come on.. it's over, you got me.
Caller: ... (a pause, sobbing)
Me: wow... are you crying?
Caller: No I'm fine.
Me: Ok if this is a game it's a sick one that you're playing on me but I'm gonna take this to the end.
Caller: I just didn't expect this response from you. (still sobbing)
Me: Ok, please no more mysterious statements like that. And please stop acting like you know me. Be honest with me now, who told you to do this?
Caller: No one asked me to do anything. You gave me your number and told me to call if there's a problem.
Me: Wow... ok... this is messed up.
Caller: You really don't remember me?
Me: Are you sure you got the right person?
Caller: I think so.
Me: Ok, now how exactly are we supposed to know each other?
Caller: We met on a train 2 months ago, in New York.
Me: Okay.. hmm.. Are you Egyptian? Sally, that's an Egyptian name... sort of.
Caller: I told you, I'm half Egyptian. That's how we started talking on the train. Remember? you said something about the book that I was reading then you asked me where I'm from.
Me: Lady, what you are talking about has never happened to me in my entire life!!!
Caller: ...
Me: Wait, do you realize you are calling an Egypt number?
Caller: Yes, I know... I had to call you, but I didn't expect this. (emotional).
Me: So why would I give you an Egypt number if we met in New York?
Caller: You were visiting your sister and family here and were heading back to Egypt, so you gave me that number.
Me: That is amazing...
Caller: Please remember MC... you said once that you had bad memory... No that's impossible, people don't just forget things like that, you're just duping me MC.... (crying now)
Me: Ok I'm going to be honest with you. What you said about my sister and family in New York is true. However, I was no where near NY two months ago. I was in Egypt!!
Caller: No that can't be... please don't do this.
Me: Ok Sally, honest to God I don't know what you're talking about. In the last 6 months I've never left Egypt.
Caller: ... (crying)
Me: Ok now I don't see why dialing a wrong number should make you cry now?
Caller: How is this the wrong number? It's you! You're name is MC and you have family in NY.
Me: I think someone has set you up. And set me up as well. Actually I can't believe I actually believed what you've just been telling me here. I mean you're telling me about events that didn't happen to me. How crazy is that?
Caller: Ya.. he he. (a sad laugh escapes through her tears)
Me: Ok Sally. What do I look like?
Caller: What?
Me: What do I look like? If we've really met then you'd know what I look like.
Caller: You're cute!
Me: Ha... ya that's not gonna work with me. Be specific.
Caller: Emm... You have dark wavy black hair. You have kind brown eyes. You have an oval face with full lips. I don't know how to describe you. You're slim with a nice figure.
Me: Hmm... Ok. I guess I can fit into those descriptions. But I think lot's of Egyptian guys fit that same description as well... I mean slim with black hair and brown eyes is very common here.
Caller: Hmm... Ok Let's see. You have pale skin, and not a lot of hair. Almost a boyish look. You have a Fossil watch with a wide black strap. Shall I keep going?
Me: Sally... That's not me!! I have darker skin and facial hair. I do not own a Fossil watch either!
Caller: What are you saying?
Me: You are describing a different person.
Caller: Impossible.
Me: Listen the only thing that I know for certain is that I've never seen you in my life. And I can only think of two explanations for this. 1) This is an elaborate prank call set up by one of my friends. 2) You've met someone that looks like me who happens to know me so he gave you my number as a joke or whatever. And I know quite a few Egyptians in NY, so that it is actually conceivable.
Caller: Are you telling me that two months ago I met someone who later gave me your phone number so he could shake me off?
Me: Either that or you are making all of this up.
Caller: I'm not!! (voice whimpering)
Me: Hey, listen... I'm sorry... I don't know what to do.
Caller: Nothing, it's ok.
Me: Are you sure?
Caller: Ya, I should have seen something like this coming anyways.
Me: Am sorry again.
Caller: It's alright, well I guess this is it then.
Me: Ya... am speechless.
Caller: Ok well, take care then MC or whoever you are.
Me: Hey.. wait.
Caller: Yes?
Me: Emm... sorry to be intrusive, but since we're complete strangers that have been talking for 15mins now, can I ask you why you'd call up this guy that you met at 4:30am?
Caller: Well, it's useless now isn't it? I just wanted to talk.
Me: Now?
Caller: Well, I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore. I had to talk to him and he seemed like a nice guy.
Me: You're being vague again.
Caller: After we met on the train and talked a bit and we went for coffee.
Me: Okay.
Caller: Well, you know. One thing led to another so we ended up in bed. I know it sounds like a one night stand but I think it was a little more than that. There was a... connection. But I couldn't get myself to call earlier.
Me: So you slept with a guy you met on the train? With no protection????
Caller: I know how it sounds but it's really not like that. I don't sleep with random guys at all... And-
Me: (interrupting) No, don't tell me. It's none of my business really... Sorry.
Caller: It's OK.
Me: ...
Caller: Hey how did you know we didn't use protection??
Me: I don't need to be a genius to figure that out. You're calling him at 4:30 in the morning because you obviously found out that you're pregnant recently.
Caller: Right.
Me: Well...
Caller: I guess I'll let you go now.
Me: Sorry I couldn't be of more help but-
Caller: Wait!!
Me: What??
Caller: ...
Me: Hello?
Caller: I have a question now.
Me: What is it?
Caller: If it was someone else that I was with, then why would he use your name? Why would he use the name MC right from the very beginning? Did he know he was gonna sleep with me, and then have to give me your number when he introduced himself? That doesn't make sense does it?

I panicked. There was no way out. I hung up the phone. Oh Crap! It's all down the drain now. My oscar-worthy performance is all down the drain now. What was I supposed to do? It was 4:30am and the only thing I could think of was to act as if it didn't happen. I have to change my number now. I'm too young to be a father or deal with an abortion. I just don't want a mess right now. Quick! Quick! I have to change this number and disappear!

Before, you all start fraking out, this story is not mine. It belongs to an unnamed friend of mine.

Taha And Za Byramidz

2007-07-04T01:05:00.000+03:00

Alright, this will be more understandable and a lot funnier to Egyptians. Very funny indeed!!

A foreign Newspaper wants to publish a report about the life in Egypt, So they send a female reporter to interview the common citizen in Egypt. When she arrives at Cairo, she picks a random guy, and starts her interview:

Reporter:Hi
Egyptian:We 3alkom el salam ya 2otta
Reporter:Do u speak english?
Egyptian:Berfect
Reporter:Do u mind if i interview u?
Egyptian:No, i dont have a mind
Reporter:What' s your name?
Egyptian:Taha
Reporter:Sex?
Taha: I love it
Reporter:oh no, i meant male or female?
Taha (yelling): what do u sink?
Reporter:Its just for the sake of the report..never mind...male. ...
Taha:yas male..and i can brove it any time u want
Reporter:No, thanks,I' ll take u for ur word...so..how do u find life here in egypt?
Taha:Egybt.. very nice cantry..nice wezar..nice food..byramidz
Reporter:oh...well..beside the weather and the pyramids..what else do u like in ur country?
Taha: Byramids,nice wezar,nice food
Reporter:Ok. .lets move on..what do u do?
Taha: I am very well ,sank u
Reporter:No, I mean do u have a job?

Taha(looking around him and whispering): Jobat?..no i dont have any (jobat)..lessa mastaba7nash. .do u have a (job) with u?..we can esmoke it in my car..dont warry about bolice
Reprter:Oh my god, DO YOU WORK?
Taha:Yas yas..Taxi drivar
Reporter:What do u think about the traffic problem in egypt?
Taha:Very big broblem..very much cars..u see?..but za guvurment is
trying to make it bettar..zey did the circle street and za me7war street..and zey make all streets one way so if u go..u cant comeback..niahahaha3

Reporter:What about the economic problems in Egypt?
Taha:I do not undurstand what u say
Reporter:I mean..how do u deal with money problems in egypt?
Taha: No NO NO..egybt very rich cantry...we have alot of cotton..alot of water..and we have byramidz
Reporter: So do u make a lot of money?
Taha:No no.. it is not legal to make money..one frend i know make money at home..and he go to brizon..if u make money at home..u can only give it to za banzeena man..they take any money
Reporter: let me rephrase..since Egypt is a rich country.. do u have a lot of money?
Taha:me?! ..Not alot..but I eat and drink Al7amdulelah?
Reporter:Then where does all the money go?
Taha: Guvurment
Reporter:And what does the government do with the money?

Taha:Zey Build circle street,me7war street and make all streets one way
Reporter:well , Ok...Do u vote?
Taha:What duz zat mean?
Reporter:Do u choose your president
Taha:Mubarak?
Reporter:yes
Taha(nervously) : i didnt give my voice..but if i was..i will give him my voice
Reporter:Why him?
Taha:Because he was an airoplane in za war..he waz za leadar airoplane
Reporter:But there r no wars right now
Taha: But if we have war..u see?...we know we will have a very good airoplane in it

Reporter: what about the last 26 years?
Taha:I got marry..and have 3ala2 and Amira..and drive taxi
Reporter:No, i meant what did Mubarak do for Egypt in the last 26 years
Taha: He build circle street,me7war street and make all streets one way
Reporter:Thank you very much for ur time Mr. Taha
Taha:No broblem,only 10 bounds
Reporter:I never said i will pay u for this
Taha: Ok..just give me the (job) then..we smoke ,and make head
Reporter:Grrrrrrrr
Taha:ok ok..need a Taxi?

I Cheated Myself Like I Knew I Would

2007-07-01T22:05:00.000+03:00

Stupid, stupid, stupid MC!! Errrrr! How many times do you have to learn the same lesson? Stupid MC, how many times have you promised yourself not to drink again? Idiot!!

It was Ned's engagement. But let me introduce Ned really quickly to you. He's a close friend that I've known for a long time, since junior high or prep school. He's my gym partner and he's the one I have guitar jamming sessions with usually. He's been dating an American/German living in Cairo for a while now. She seems like a nice girl but I can never seem to get on her' good side for some reason. It might be because I tend to speak to her in English when she speaks Arabic just as well.

The engagement was in Hannah's (the fiance) villa in El Rehab. Everything in the party was very well done I have to say. The set up, the music, the service, everything was perfect. Half the people were Americans or foreigners living in Cairo. It mostly took place in the villa's back yard, though the term 'back yard' does not give the proper picture. It's a garden with high fences covered with plants. An enclosed garden with tables, chairs, couches, and an open bar.

An ex-best friend named Alfy had flown in from Lebanon for this occasion. Alfy was a best friend of mine till more than 6 years ago when we lost touch for some reason. I hate to judge the guy but I have to. Alfy's goal in life is to get laid as much as possible. Girls are a very high priority i his life. It's obvious he went to Lebanon for that reason. Lebanese women are famed for their good looks and western attitudes. I made Alfy finally confess to his true reasons for going yesterday at the party. I hadn't seen him or talked to him for at least 5 years and boy did he change. Did he get a nose job? Maybe, I'm not sure. Anyways, he looked like a player ready to go and start flirting. I am sure he's good at what he does, he looked very confident.

I had already pre-made the decision to get drunk before getting in this party. I'm so stupid. I know what will happen but I do it again. So I socialized for a bit, usually sticking to people that I half-know. I started with cranberry vodka. Wow, even just the name makes me wanna throw up now. I drank, socialized, drank, socialized.

By the time it was time to dance I was already drunk. Now when you get drunk your dancing skills improves 10 folds, or so it will seem to you!. Anyways it's not very clear in my head how, but somehow I ended up dancing with a petite dark-haired Egyptian beauty who turned out to be my recruiter. I've talked many times to her before about jobs and stuff but never met her. That's weird eh? dancing with your recruiter. I feel super bad dancing with her though... I am not exactly a single guy anymore am I??

The next thing I remember after the dancing is me throwing up for ages besides a tree outside the villa. That sucked big time! It's one of the worst feelings ever. You can't concentrate, your body feels like crap, you're constantly throwing up. I embarrassed myself in front of Ned and Alfy, not sure who else saw me I'm sure many more were there to witness. A lot of people were talking to me and comforting me and stuff. It was on par with my Rome incident. What was worse though were the torturous hours after the chauffeur and his helper dropped me off at home. It was awful... endless trips between the bed and bathroom trying to vomit when I got nothing in my stomach. I am pretty sure I messed up my digestive system. I even threw up the water that I drank when I was trying to sober up. And I've been on a food strike for 24 hours afraid that if I eat something I'll throw it up again. I'm telling you, one of the worst feelings ever.

So MC... don't drink again! You know what happens when you drink. Remember your epic hang overs, when you're about to have that drink.

Vola, Vola Palombella 2

2007-06-27T11:30:00.000+03:00

I posted the original video for Vola Palombella before. Apparently the girl (woman now!) rerecorded and remixed the song and here's the video clip. See for yourself what became of lil Nadina! By the way I'm not implying any positive or negative opinions here, just a messenger so far.

The Mad Terrorist Thought Experiment

2007-06-21T11:30:00.000+03:00

This is simple poll. Just answer in a format like this: 1A, 2B, 6A... etc. No need for words.

QI-- Identify yourself:

You think of yourself as;

1. Strong theist. 100 % probability of God. In the words of C. G. Jung, 'I do not believe, I know.'

2. Very High probability but short of 100%. De facto theist. 'I cannot know for certain, but I strongly believe in God and live my life on the assumption that he is there.'

3. Higher than 50% but not very high. Technically agnostic but leaning towards theism. 'I am very uncertain, but I am inclined to believe in God.'

4. Exactly 50%. Completely impartial agnostic. 'God's existence and non-existence are exactly equiprobable.'

5. Lower than 50% but not very low. Technically agnostic but leaning towards atheism. 'I don't know whether God exists but I'm inclined to be skeptical.'

6. Very low probability, but short of zero. De facto atheist, 'I cannot know for certain but I think God is very improbable, and I live my life on that assumption that he is not there.'

7. Strong atheist. 'I know there is no God, with the same conviction as Jung "knows" there is one.'

QII-- What you would do:

The mad terrorist has abducted you. He gives you the following options;

A. The mad terrorist will kill you a slow torturous death. He will start by cutting off a few limbs then he'll burn you alive. He will end it with a slow beheading with a dull blade. No one else will die.

B. The mad terrorist will kill you via a new lethal injection a very peaceful death with zero pain. If you choose this, after you die he will drop a nuclear bomb on a random city with at least 7 million people. NYC, Tokyo, Cairo, Shanghai, Mumbai... etc.

C. If you refuse to choose one of the above options, he will kill you the painful death of Option A and nuke the entire earth!

i) The belief scale is borrowed from Richard Dawkins' book The God Delusion.
ii) Sorry for being graphic with option A, I had to.

I Can't Forget The Taste Of Your Mouth

2007-06-20T10:10:00.000+03:00

(I wrote this post when I got back)

I never cry. Never. Though I am fairly emotional I think; I can let things occupy me for long periods of time. But I never cry. I never get angry. I never raise my voice. I never lose it. I just never let my emotions surface no matter how bad it is inside. I am very composed... well, except for my startle reactions :). I get caught off guard.

Last night was different though. I put my face in the pillow and cried in my bed. I just had the best 3 days ever.... so why was I crying? I'm not sure. Maybe cause it's over. Maybe just the sheer emotions. Maybe it was the goodbye. Maybe it was realizing how I felt. Maybe it was the craziness of the whole thing. Maybe it's not being able to act on what happened. The experience was dreamlike... too good to be true, yet it is true.

Well, here I am now with a wet pillow and a lot to ponder over. What do I do with what just happened? What does it all mean? How do I carry on now? It gives me a lump in my throat whenever I think about it. I feel like I'm tied down and cannot take action. Yep, I really am.

Till very recently I thought of my life as uneventful, but it seems I am having quite a bit of those life changing experiences recently. That was one of them no doubt about it.

We Only Said Goodbye With Words

2007-06-20T04:25:00.000+03:00

Here are a few pics I took of San Francisco.

Just Playing Your Part

2007-06-19T08:35:00.000+03:00

I was in San Francisco for a few days and I liked it overall. The following really caught my attention though:

Why does it seem like all store owners in San Fran are Chinese people that don't speak English? Some times I felt like was not in the US. And I am not talking about Chinatown (which apparently is one of the largest in North America). Just regular stores on Market St. for example.
There is a LOT of homeless people in SF. It is quite scary actually. I was having one of those American pizza slices (from a Chinese store owner of course) when I discovered that I don't have any napkins. So I looked at the pizza and at my drink, the street was busy with people going up and down the street (it was a lil steep), then I looked at the napkin dispenser. It was very close, only about 10ft away. So I get up quickly leaving my food and dart for the napkins. I come back in pretty much less than a second to find a homeless woman just about to get started on my ready to go meal!
San Fran has a lot of gay people. Though I did notice it on the streets, it wasn't overly obvious that there were more here. Apparently one out of five males in are gay. Nothing against gays of course!
Every now and then in SF you see an old hippie. Just an old guy with long white/blonde white/brown hair with some sort of a head band and a colourful t-shirt. A few restaurants have a peace or hippie theme to them. I found out that SF is where the hippie movement started in the 1960s.

I felt so tiny in SF. The San Francisco area itself is not that big, about 40 blocks across. But with all the suburbs and surrounding neighborhoods, it's huge. Going from one neighborhood to the other you have to get on a 5 lane highway. I just felt like I'm a grain of sand on a beach. I never feel like that in Cairo.

I am living one random life yet have enough vanity to write about it in a blog. But there are billions of people living their lives like me. People living in any one of those neighborhoods have stories of their own. The gay guy has a story about how he came to find himself that way. He's got opinions. The Chinese store owner has a story about how they came across the ocean to find a job in a foreign country. The old hippie has adventures to tell about I'm sure. And that is just one city, and one instant in time. We are just a drop in the ocean.

It Could Begin And End In One Evening

2007-05-21T13:55:00.000+03:00

I've been listening to Feist for at least a couple of years now. But every once in a while, you go back to artists that you know already and go "wow, s/he's good". I don't post a lot of videos these days but this one I uploaded especially so I can put it on here. The contrast between her soft playful voice and the dirty, distorted electric guitar is compelling. You have to watch it!

Stand Here And Listen

2007-05-16T00:10:00.000+03:00

Oooh! It's been a while since I posted... my bad, I will get back on it. There has been a few posts in my head that I wanted to spit out for a while now. One about my break up with Ouba, one about the guy getting beat up & insulted on the street by the police for no apparent reason, and one about an interesting birthday party. The catch is, however, if you don't write your posts when it's fresh, it looses it's appeal. I will write about the break up though. Until then, I'll post about one of my new found favourite band!

They're a seemingly obscure band from Sweden called Convoj that I've discovered a few months ago and rediscovered again these days. I am not sure how to classify their music but to me they seem like a mix between the Strokes and Radiohead. That may not be a very good description as they certainly do have their uniqueness. The music is somewhat loud yet very melodic. Their electric guitar sound is distinct but it's the vocals that really give them a trademark sound. Neither are they signed to record label nor have a wikipedia article, which are two very important things today! You can check their website and listen to a few tracks. Here is a song called Cultural Legacy that I got off their website a while back.

The Owner Of The Foot

2007-04-24T04:15:00.000+02:00

The owner of this foot is strong, resilient, and determined
Yet soft and fragile on the inside...

The owner of the foot is rather opinionated
Yet an excellent listener and very understanding...

The owner of the foot is playful and fun
Yet serious and hardworking when desired...

The owner of the foot is not only blue-eyed and attractive
But also smart and funny...

Like the lioness, able to hunt and protect
Yet caring and loving to ones that need it...

Her soft spoken voice sure is captivating
And so is her confidence and frankness...

That's Dina for ya, and that's her foot!

i) The photo's posted with permission.
ii) Disclaimer: Please don't get any impressions that I'm a player; I am not at all.

Steer Away From These Rocks

2007-04-21T04:20:00.000+02:00

I was tagged by shlemazl, a fellow blogger, to write 5 things about myself that the reader might not know. I am gonna change the rules around a bit. I’m gonna instead tell you about a few points in my life that I feel were crucial. These are moments that changed me; moments that significantly changed the way I think and feel about current events. I'd be a very different person if any of them was to be omitted. Some of these are very recent; the oldest is about 8 years ago. Of course they won’t be 5, I’ll tell you as many as necessary. I tag whoever wants to be tagged.

- The time I laid down on the ground in a Roman street, drunk, unable to move a limb, and the events that preceded and ensued.
- The day I accidentally learned about a shocking (mmm... for a lack of a better word) truth in someone’s life followed by the realization that this is one of those secrets you keep to yourself till the end.
- The day I decided to go buy a guitar.
- The time I finally met the Creator and the answers were revealed to me.
- The day I lost a best friend.
- The time I had undeniable proof that I had it right about a close someone. I was finally sure that what I thought of them was right.
- The time I pursued a stripper to find out exactly why she gave me a wrong number… and the events that ensued.
- The day I realized I was an atheist and not just someone with a lot of fundamental questions about their faith.
- The day I started this blog.
- The moment I realized I cared for someone in both, a platonic and non-platonic way, which is extremely rare for me.

Should I Be A Moment With You?

2007-04-13T20:30:00.000+02:00

So, since the last post, I decided I’m gonna try to end it with Ouba, my gf that I don’t love. I had just been waiting to meet her as I don’t like such serious talks to take place on the phone or anything other than in person. Two ways of doing that (ending it) occurred to me. The first, is to tell her that we are very different. That there is a vast gap in understanding between us, like I explained in my last post. The second, is to tell her that I don’t know if I’m ready, or even willing, to get married or committed to anyone at all at this time, or ever. The latter is true by the way.

Now I thought that both of these ways will do the job. I felt that the second would be easier to take than the first. She might be a little hurt if she hears the first one. So I went ahead with my plan and we went out to a nice cozy place.

Before bringing up the intended subject I decided to tell her about my atheism. I have been sending her hints of it but have postponed saying it flat out till we get to know each better. This is how wide the gap is between me and her: She has almost never heard of atheism before! I can’t begin to describe to you how shocked she was hearing about what exactly it is. Her shock was as about the existence of this idea as it was about me subscribing to it. I don’t require my gf to be an atheist, actually I prefer not, but at least know what it’s about and understand where I’m coming from!!!

Anyways, so after talking about atheism and discussing it briefly, I moved on to the subject of me and her. It went on something like this.

MC: Ouba, I brought you here so we can talk about two fairly important topics like I said. That was the first. The second is about me and you.
Ouba: Okay.
MC: I’m gonna start by asking you. Do you think this relationship is something that might at some point develop into a marriage?

She struggled a bit with this question as she didn’t know which way I was leaning towards. As she did, I realized that the question is not fair and that she might be cornered, so I interrupted.

MC: Well, it’s not really fair asking you this. Let me answer and then you can comment on what I say.
Oubay: Alright.
MC: At this point in my life, I am not looking for a commitment at all. In fact, I am not sure if I will ever get married or not. So this is how I’m going into this relationship. I want us to be clear from the start so neither of us gets hurt.
Ouba: Me neither. I am not looking for a commitment to. Friendship (gf/bf) is better for me now. I’m ok with that.
MC: Great!

That was not exactly the scenario I had in mind. She’s ok with it! We’re still together! Now a lot of guys might envy being with a pretty girl that is not looking for a commitment. I don’t know why I’m not feeling that! There is a part of me that feels guilty. What am I doing with her? I don’t love her, and I don’t see it happening in the future. We are very different and it’s taking me a lot of effort each time I try to convey my ideas to her. They don’t click in her head like they do with others. I need your thoughts please…

By The Ways Of Bluetooth

2007-04-01T02:20:00.000+02:00

Can't talk politics now so I'm gonna talk personal instead.

In all the ways possible in meeting a gf, Bluetooth is one that never crossed my mind. But it happened. I met Ouba by Bluetooth. Basically you keep your Bluetooth activated on your cellphone when at a cafe then try to match the name to the face. You watch the movements... you identify the person... you bluetooth flirt... you look... you smile. Strange isn't it?

Now that this is real, I gotta think of the consequences. We're in the ritual of 3 or more phone calls a day and have gone out. It's only been a week but I gotta think about it now before it developes and the stakes get higher. She's not my gf yet, but at this rate she will be very soon unless I decide otherwise.

There is a side issue to this relationship that probably needs a post on its own. Ouba's cousin, who is married and has a kid, is having some sort of a relationship with my best friend Volks (who has a gf by the way). Volks hooked up with her as I was hooking up with Ouba by Bluetooth as well. Volks is playing with fire, I know.

Ouba's a nice beautiful girl. She's easygoing, caring and funny. She's got a sincere laugh. She's got the Egyptian skin tone with kind eyes and hair that flows nicely when her hand moves through it. She has nice figure too.

My friend Tau once told me this: "we like the fact that we have a girlfriend more than we like the girlfriend herself." I don't want to fall into that trap. I'd like to have a gf, but I'd like to have one because I love the girl and not as entertainment. I don't want her to be my rebound or me hers.

Well, what's wrong with Ouba? Nothing is wrong with her as a person. It's just that as of now, I have no feelings for her beyond friendship. I'm not even getting the physical attraction though my friends think otherwise. I don't love her, and I don't see myself loving her in the future.

Why do I not have feelings for her? Well, we're on different levels of... thought, interest... etc. She cares more about clothes and jewelry than I do. I think more about life and ethics etc more than she does. I care more about music than she does.... or we care about different kinds of music.

How will she react when I tell her about my atheism? She'll surely freak out though I have hinted to it many times already. Will she understand me? Will she understand my opinions about life and relationships? about religion and faith? How will she react if she learns about this blog? or when she hears the music that I like? like Bjork & Radiohead? flamenco or klezmer music? She just will not get it... But is there a girl that might get all of this?

Everyday the girl is becoming attached and I'm not. I'm not feeling her. I'm sorry Ouba, it's something that I cannot control. I really don't want to hurt her, I care about her in that sense. I would hate to have her suffer from a break up. But how much am I going to sacrifice to prevent that from happening. Am I going to sacrifice having a cute gf for a few months so she doesn't get hurt? That sounds like the right thing to do, but how many guys out there can take that step?

I don't feel guilty going into this quite yet as it's only been a week. My excuse is I'm getting to know her. I think I'll give it just a little more time to be sure that I don't have feelings for her. But why can't I be like a self-respecting hormone-driven male and get at least a kiss out of this before it goes down? Well, I don't know yet... I might do that too.

Elephants Can Fly

2007-03-21T16:05:00.000+02:00

A conversation between two Egyptian MPs:

1st: Did you know that elephants can fly?
2nd: What nonsense is this? Of course elephants can't fly.
1st: No, seriously elephants can fly.
2nd: Who told you this?
1st: The president.
2nd: Well... they can fly a little!

El Korba 2007

2007-03-17T03:55:00.000+02:00

I went to the Korba 2007 Festival today, which is what I'm gonna call it since it lacks an official name, in Baghdad St. in Korba, Cairo. I don't know exacty what it is that was being celebrated but I heard it's for the beginning of spring.

It's one of those events where it was overwhelmingly the Nedifa people showing up. Nas Nedifa literally means "clean people" in Egyptian but in this context it means people that are financially ok. i.e. people are wearing brand names and designer sunglasses... etc. It caught my attention that it was pretty much 100% nas nedifa, knowing that it was a public festival and that probably less than 10% of Egypt is nas nedifa. How did it filter out like that? I'm not sure.

These are people that go to the nice cafes and the Cilatros and that have access to the internet like you. It is not very common to see a gathering of the size that I saw today all of nas nedifa. I could understand it in the case of the SOS Concert because the tickets were distributed online, but in Korba it was public.

Overall I really liked it. The live bands were good and the atmosphere was great!! There were moments where I was wondering if I was really in Egypt (in a good way). The rest of my day was bloggable not to mention the drive home with the super high taxi driver.

Here are some pics:

This is Black Theama playing live. The highlight for me were their two songs "Koon Sa3eed" (Be Happy) and "4 Seasons, Grand Hyatt". The violinist was great. New genres of Egyptian music is in the making here. Wust El Balad played after and they were great as well though they did not play my favourite songs for them.

Just a random pic so you can kinda see the amount of people that was there today.

Drinking beer on the streets of Cairo. I like this pic!

Seeker Of Truth

2007-03-10T10:15:00.000+02:00

I will continue calling him Karim Amer because that’s the name he chose for himself. In case you haven’t heard, he’s the Egyptian blogger sentenced to 4 years in jail for his opinions. Three years for insulting Islam, one for insulting the president.

Did they get him because he used the phrase “imaginary creature” to refer to god? Hmmm… I don’t think he ‘insulted’ Islam, though even that should not be a crime. I think he just openly disagreed. But if what he did indeed ‘insults’ Islam, then insulting Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, Satanism or any religion for that matter should not be a crime. If a group of people choose to believe in something that is not proven, why is it a crime to question it? If someone chooses to worship the sun, which is their right, does then become a crime to show how ridiculous that is? If someone chooses to worship rats, like in Karni Mata, does it become a crime to tell them that rats are just rats? What if someone claims to be a god, does it become a crime to show how baseless their belief is? I don’t think so.

You can believe in whatever you want and worship whomever you like, it is your right, but don’t make it a crime for me to disagree… and to tell you why I disagree. If I ask a Muslim today to prove to me that Allah exists and that the Quran is his word, they won’t be able to. If I ask a Christian to prove to me that Jesus is the Lord, they won’t even come close. That is why religion requires faith; to believe in the unproven and the disproved.

I don’t know if Karim is an atheist or what, but if they think he is a criminal, then they better start looking for atheists too. Me being an atheist, for example, automatically means that this is what I'm saying: There is nothing divine about Allah, Mohamed, Jesus, the Quran, the Bible, etc. Ooops, have I just insulted Islam?

And as for insulting the president, why is that a special crime? Why is insulting “el bawab” (the doorman) any different than insulting the president? They are both human. Being the president is a job not a title. Hosni is not a king, he is a president and his job is to make country better. The doorman’s job is to watch for who is coming and going and run different errands. One job obviously has far greater consequences than the other, but that doesn’t mean that they should have different rights. Punishment for insulting a doorman should be just the same as insulting Hosni. That would be true democracy.

* In one of the interviews that I saw for Karim, the Coptic interviewer called him a philosopher and a thinker. Karim responded by saying that he is only a seeker of truth.

Putting On A Smile

2007-03-03T19:10:00.000+02:00

Something I've noticed lately. All of my friends have had an experience that left them changed individuals afterwards. A romantic experience. A first love, a milestone relationship in their lives that left its permenant mark in their lives. It's never more than one experience. Its always just one, and always the first one. They've all had to put on a smile when there's a storm inside!

Volks had his epic 5 year relationship with Ann. Tau had his short and first relationship that taught him a lot and shaked his morals for good. Fek broke up with his Dody (whom I work with) over a year ago yet he is still devastated to this day as if they broke up yesterday. Dib told me about his very own with a girl that he still loves... he carries his regrets to this day.

Is it a rule or what? To have your first failed relationship that changes you?

Disclaimer: This just an objective observation and has nothing to do with anything that I might or might not be going through. It does not indicate I have had an experience that falls in this category. Believe me. The observation crystalized in my head as my childhood friend Dib told me of his experience.

Hello Mr. Siff

2007-03-03T18:15:00.000+02:00

I got into an argument at work with a guy that earns 400,000 LE per month. Let’s call him Mr. Siff. He's the owner of a sister company that shares the office space with mine. He also happens to be a relative to the owner of my company. The feud lasted for about 20mins non stop. Myself, my friend Volks, and the owner of the company were showing Mr. Siff a piece of work that I have done with some help from Volks. Now Volks and the owner believed that that piece of work was something to be proud of, so they started showing it to Mr. Siff.

He started criticizing my work. He has this aggressive, yet well thought-out, way of speaking that makes you naturally go on the defensive. Yet, I think I did a good job of leaving my emotions out and being objective. When I thought his comments were in place I said so. But when I thought he was out to lunch I stated my disagreement straight out yet respectfully. The argument developed exponentially with peeks and valleys. He spoke a little loud at times and hinted at discrediting my experiences. He started using his credentials as arguments. I dodged both attempts I think. I was unorthodox in that I was able to tell him “you’re right” in the middle of a few heated side discussions.

Both Volks and the owner were silent as they were watching the battle, though I think they were both largely on my side yet trying to avoid a collision with Mr. Siff. The argument did not end with me leaving the company thank luck and randomness.

No matter how many people suck up to you Mr. Siff, I’m not gonna be one of them. I don’t care how much you make or who you are. If I disagree with you I’m gonna tell you what I think straight out, even if it means losing my job. I’d rather be jobless and free than be employed knowing that I've sucked up to someone just because they make more money.

Everything In Its Right Place

2007-02-21T16:45:00.000+02:00

Gray: Rod, come on let’s go we gotta keep moving. We’ve lost some time sidetracking because of you as usual.
Rod: …
Gray: You’re useless most of the time. No, make that all the time. I don’t know why I bother with you.
Rod: …
Gray: Useless, just useless, Rod. I am just here by myself. Now listen, Rod. I think with this map that I have we can find our way. I know the map is not very clear. I know it may not be very accurate, but I doubt you have a better idea.

Gray: Rod, you’ve been very good. Now let’s carry on.
Rod: I’m hungry.
Gray: Oh Rod, not again.
Rod: I’m hungry and you have no idea where we’re going.
Gray: Rod, you’re slowing me down. You always have. Let’s just carry on, we might figure out where we’re going after all.
Rod: I’m hungry.
Gray: Rod, you’ve been good for a while now. Can’t you hold on for longer? Maybe we’ll find something along our way.
Rod: You know that won’t happen. We’ve never found something along the way.
Gray: Don’t deny that it’s possible. It’ll be much more enjoyable if you eat because you like what you see not because you’re hungry.
Rod: You’re just as hungry as I am.
Gray: You’re wrong Rod. I can do this without ever putting a thing in my mouth.
Rod: You’re lying to yourself.
Gray: You only talk when you’re hungry, Rod. Frankly I’m tired of you. The only thing you do is complain that you’re hungry. You haven’t done anything useful since we’ve met. Not a thing, Rod. Not a thing.
Rod: I keep you full.
Gray: I’m not hungry.
Rod: Of course you are. Just imagine devouring an apple for example… or meat.
Gray: I don’t want to.
Rod: Imagine it in your mouth… and that priceless satisfaction you feel as you swallow it.
Gray: Ok ok.

Gray: I hate you, Rod.
Rod: …
Gray: Quiet and sleepy when you’re full huh?
Rod: …
Gray: Now honestly Rod, do you think you enjoyed that? It was utterly disgusting. I don’t wanna eat ever again.
Rod: …
Gray: Sometimes I wish I can just get rid of you. I know I’ll fair much better without you.
Rod: …
Gray: The truth is, I don’t know if I can really get rid you or not.
Rod: …
Gray: Remember when you disappeared for a few months? I thought you were gone, but then you came back.
Rod: …
Gray: Those were happy days that I’ll remember fondly, Rod. They remind me of my days before I met you.
Rod: When I was gone you were just as lost.
Gray: Ah… you’re awake now?
Rod: Can’t you tell?
Gray: See. You’re distracting me. You keep me occupied with what is so trivial.
Rod: Don’t call it trivial. We can’t go on without it.
Gray: I can. I went on without eating for months when you disappeared.
Rod: And where did that take you? You’re with me now, and you eat when I do.
Gray: You don’t get it. Every time we follow your whims we lose focus of the goal, we lose the map.
Rod: You drew that map.
Gray: I don’t like this conversation.
Rod: That is because you know I’m right.
Gray: No, it’s because I am not sure if I can get rid of you or not. And I’d hate to have to argue with you like this every time you get hungry.
Rod: Let’s just eat and figure it out later.
Gray: I’m not hungry.
Rod: Of course you are. Just imagine devouring an apple for example… or meat.
Gray: I don’t want to.
Rod: Imagine it in your mouth… and that priceless satisfaction you feel as you swallow it.
Gray: Ok ok.

Gray: You beat me every time Rod. I don’t know how you do it.
Rod: …
Gray: My frustrations with you do consume some of my energy and time , you know?
Rod: …
Gray: You’re downright useless, Rod. That’s the difference between you and me. You’re one-dimensional. All you think about is eating and food.
Rod: …
Gray: I am not like you, Rod. In fact, I don’t know why we’re together. I can get us somewhere, Rod. I can think… I can look at maps… I can draw one up… I can take us places. And I can do this much better without you… or if you don’t complain.
Rod: You make me feel like I’ve been eating alone all this time!!
Gray: Are you denying your responsibility?
Rod: I’m saying you’re just as responsible. Be honest to yourself, don’t throw it all on me.
Gray: Rod, shut up. You just want to eat.
Rod: Exactly!
Gray: Ok Rod. Let’s go eat. I can’t think straight when you’re hungry. I need you to shut up.
Rod: That’s a good excuse.

I Won't Judge

2007-01-29T15:40:00.000+02:00

The Creator created the year old puzzle. Before the puzzle, the Creator was not a creator. So in a way, the puzzle created the Creator just as the Creator created the puzzle. You’ve met the Creator shortly before the puzzle was created though you’ve heard of the Creator long before that. What you know of the Creator is part of the puzzle. Well, everything seems to be part of the puzzle.

The search for an answer to the puzzle has consumed you. It has been eating away at your brain this last year. What is the solution? Can anything possible fully explain all parts of this puzzle? But you know that whether or not a solution exists is also part of the puzzle. You obviously can think of a few possible solutions to the puzzle, but none of them seem to answer all the questions to your satisfaction. You always reach a point where you’re left with a missing piece, or an extra piece. Something is wrong.

Are you obsessed with the Creator or with the puzzle? Or is obsession even the right word? The puzzle was created bit by bit, built up. You were there as it was getting tougher and tougher, as it grew bigger and as new pieces were added. After all, this puzzle is for no one else but you. The puzzle was made, purposefully or not, for you. You were there as every piece of this puzzle was laid out. Its rules defined. Its questions multiplied.

It is a slap on the face, the fact that the puzzle baffles you. And so is the fact that you cannot forget that fact. Why are there so many extra pieces yet so many gaps? You know that the right thing to do is to forget the puzzle. Let it go. But you’ve tried time and time again with no avail. It’s always there, like a splinter in your mind. The echo of the unanswered questions still lingers in the back of your mind even when you’re busy with something else. You tell yourself that it is not your nature to let go of an unsolved puzzle. You have to free yourself and find the solution.

You cannot find the solution with what you know now. There are many possible reasons for this. Maybe you do not know all the pieces. Maybe you are trying to fit the wrong pieces. Maybe you are too stupid to find it on your own. Maybe you are inexperienced. You have promised yourself not to judge the Creator until you know the solution. After all, isn’t the Creator part of the puzzle?

But the Creator must know the answers. Yes, the Creator knows the answers… that you are certain of. Though whether or not the Creator is oblivious to the creation of the puzzle is also part of the puzzle. But even if the Creator is not aware of the existence of the puzzle, the solution must be with the Creator. The Creator has to know.

You know where the true solution is. You know where the answers to all the whys are. The Creator is the key. The Creator has all that you long for. The problem, is that the Creator does not return calls. The Creator is elusive, hard to get a hold of. The Creator sends messages every once in a while though. Yet these messages do not hint as to what the solution is, not with great certainty anyways. The last time you saw the Creator, you were quite literally in bliss! And that was by pure chance, you had not planned it. And that was the only time you’ve seen the Creator since the puzzle was created.

The only way to find the true solution is to meet the Creator, again. And you know where to find the Creator. You will wait for the right moment before facing the Creator. The Creator will not expect it, but it is the only way. You only need a few minutes to get what you want. Something tells you that you’ll be able to see the answers in her eyes!

But Someone's Listening In

2007-01-24T01:15:00.000+02:00

There’s an Egyptian blogger who is being accused of “insulting the president”, “inciting sedition”, “disrespect of religions”, and "harming national unity". More information can be found in found on Freedom For Egyptians' post. Karim Amer's blog is in Arabic. I’m sure this news makes Egyptian bloggers a little uneasy. That’s the whole point isn’t it? To make bloggers think twice before hitting that publish button. It does make me a little uneasy. And it makes me sad knowing that Egypt is still that far behind on human rights.

We have no choice but to voice our opinions anyway, regardless of whether or not it is well received with those who have power. If this news makes us bloggers resort to self-censorship then there is no point in writing. Whatever your opinion is, speak it! If my opinion insults the president, so be it. If it incites sedition, so be it. If it disrespects religions, so be it. If it harms national unity, so be it. I just promise that it won’t be baseless. The difference between saying “you are stupid” and “it was stupid to make this decision, because…” is never very fine. But I promise to be more on the latter’s side than the first.

The concept of free speech, on certain topics, seems to be non-existent in Egypt. Freedom of speech is constantly challenged by the government, the Muslim Brotherhood, or the people themselves. You can ask Abdelwahab about how his last masterpiece, Men Gheir Leh, was banned for its lyrics. You can ask Mahfuz about his novel Children of the Alley. You can ask Farag Foda. Now it looks like the Egyptian blogger Karim Amer is being accused of speaking his mind on religion, the government, and minorities, which are no-nos in this country.

I was not very familiar with what Karim wrote before I heard of this news. I read his last post before he was detained, and I have to say it’s very powerful. I have respect for anyone who speaks their mind when the price could be as high as their life. That is what separates heroes from bloggers like you and me. How far are you willing to take what you believe in? Fortunately, you don’t have to pay such a high price for saying your opinion; publishing your opinions on an anonymous blog should be safe.

It is very important that Karim does not spend the next 9 years of his life in jail because he exercised basic human rights; to think, question, and speak. One thing that we can do is get this some media attention. If you can think of ways to do this, why not take it to action? It won’t cost you much, but could mean a lot to a brave man.

There Are Two Colors In My Head

2007-01-18T20:10:00.000+02:00

So Volks is a best friend. I’ve known him for such a long time and I adore the guy. But before I tell you about our conversation the other day, I gotta first tell you about his 5-year relationship.

Volks dated a nice girl called Ann for 5 whole years. They were generally very good together except for a few hiccups near the end. He put a lot into this relationship, and so did she. They broke up while they were still in love. The break up was a year ago. The experience changed him; he became somewhat cynical with a bleak outlook on life.

I personally thought they were different people. He loved Egypt, she didn’t. He loved Um Kalthoum, she didn’t. She loved Oprah, he didn’t. But I still thought they were a great couple and would have made it, had it not been for the situation they were in.

To this day he often brings up Ann and how they were together. We were at a café two days ago when he pointed out to me how the girl sitting across from us resembles Ann. “Look at her… she looks just like Ann. The way she plays with her hair… the way her ring finger goes up when she holds out her hand,” he said. I could see it in his eyes. He’s still hurt; a year wasn’t enough to heal the scar. I’ve talked to him many times before about this telling him it’s time he started getting over this, for his own good.

Anyways, so this girl that resembles Ann at the table cross brought up the whole subject again. Here’s the last part of our conversation:

Volks: You know what I miss most about Ann?
Me: What?
I was about to give him my usual spiel about how he should try to forget Ann a little and pay attention to his current girlfriend. He is going steady with this current girlfriend and things look serious yet he always compares her to Ann, something which I’ve constantly advised him against.
Volks: She was such a hottie! (in Arabic: “kanet mozza awy”)

I laughed very hard, tables around us started looking. Ah… guys will be guys.

Moses And Ramses

2007-01-15T03:25:00.000+02:00

Interesting! I got sick again for the second time in two weeks. Anyways, I've been busy but I'll promise I'll return with good stuff very soon. Till then, you should watch this great video. Please do not take any religious messages from it. I'm not endorsing anything other than the music here.

Cause I'm Lately

2006-12-26T01:55:00.000+02:00

Ah! Once again. It's been so long. What's gonna be my excuse? I can't tell you it's because I have a life, cause that would mean that I don't have a life now! Well, I haven't been having much life lately as I have been sick in bed.

Should I tell you about my new semi-temp job? No, who cares about work. Maybe I should tell you about how awkward it was working in a machine shop with guitar finger nails! Believe me it's frustrating. Not only does it make it hard to firmly grasp objects making you look like a sissy, but all the dirt and grease just gathers under your nails and becomes impossible to remove unless you cut your fingernails. At least I have longer nails in one hand only. No let's not tell you about that either!

Maybe I should tell you about my ventures into religious talks with machine shop workers and taxi drivers. When I voice my opinions around friends they entice mockery and dismay once they're cornered. Now imagine how the less educated and exposed might react. Though I never fully expressed my opinions with them, I try hinting it by answering questions with questions. Unfortunately, saying your opinion blatantly is not always wise in this world. Or maybe I should tell you about the tasty tasty canned meat & eggs meal that was prepared by those machine shop workers. I can still remember those greasy fingers dipping the bread in the food piece by piece. Why dip the bread piece by piece when you can make a sandwich? I never understood. I made a sandwich anyway, I turned a blind eye to the non-hygienic meal because it tasted so good. No let's not tell you about that either!

I mainly wanna tell you about my sickness and such but I'm to tired to write about it now. One tip before I go... If you really like a song, don't look up it's lyrics. Let there be some mystery. Let your imagination run wild on exactly what this song could be about. Like when you see a beautiful woman in a red dress (if you're a guy (or a lesbian)), if you go talk to her you're taking the chance of finding out that she's dumb and shallow. But if you just stick to the gaze, she might linger in your memory a little longer as something special perhaps. It sort of bursts the bubble sometimes. There's this song that I just adore by Damien Rice called Elephant. It builds up slowly with warm vocals and a soft guitar, then it gets intense and soulful... a masterpiece I tell you. I just looked up the lyrics and in one line he says “cause I'm lately, horny.”!!

I'll continue next post...

But Yet So Irresistible

2006-12-09T02:25:00.000+02:00

Should I blog about Flamenco music or the Muslim Brotherhood? I don't feel like either now. There is no shortage of blogging material in Egypt. I can probably write a few posts about my experiences with Taxi drivers. I can blog about the various inefficiencies in the system. I can blog about how in Egypt you don't say what's on your mind, and how you gotta find a nice way to getting around saying what you want and only hinting it. I can blog about how in Egypt people are all talk and no action. When someone says "I will do X tomorrow," it doesn't mean a thing. I can blog about my adorable little cousin. I can blog about how unique the Egyptian slang is. I can blog about how exciting a drive in Cairo can be :).

Instead, I will tell you again about my male friends. They have changed so much, though I haven't been away for long. The thing is, they haven't matured! They seem younger, more childish. There is an alarming increase of homosexual jokes. It's a little hard to explain the nature of the jokes if you're not immersed in Egyptian culture. They're not homophobic jokes. It's the sort of thing where two guys pretend they're a couple and make jokes about what they're gonna do or what they like about each other! I'm not sure how to label that. To an outsider this will sound like a gay group of friends. I assure you though, they're not gay, they're not even curious. I'm not sure how to explain this behaviour.

The jokes have become very cheap. Nothing is off limits. Family, seniors, children... whatever comes to your mind. This puts the homosexual jokes into perspective I think. Religions seems to be the only subject that's relatively safe. It's hard to understand this if you don't know that the usual Egyptian gathering of friends is largely composed of making jokes and laughing, of remembering old funny anecdotes. This is central to the Egyptian culture. I don't think the jokes are that cheap with everybody though, I think it's just them.

The disregard for women is at an all time high. The idea that women are less than men is a given. Is it because they've all suffered from a tough break-up? Is it the culture? Women are creatures that are to be approached with care. You have to talk to them in their own language. Egyptian men are schizophrenic. One personality when women are around, when when they aren't. Perhaps all men are like that, but it's a lot more noticeable now... or here.

A non-veiled woman walks on the street and they all turn their heads. They check out every part of her body like they haven't seen a woman before. There is no difference between them and the 'bawabeen' (building doormen) when they look at women. Mind you some of them have girlfriends. I especially hate it when it's a rude look, when the woman knows you are looking at her, when you fix your eyes on her as she goes by. It takes away from their freedom I think. It's a double standard. They see a woman and go "oh look at her xxx...," but when they're with their girlfriends, they can't stand anyone looking at her. I don't get it. Is it sexual suppression? Have we become unable to look at women without sex in the equation?

I feel the pressure to become like them. In fact feel the influence already, I'm giving in a little. Jeez that makes me sound like a Saint or something!!! By the way, I do like my friends :), just remind me to find more positive things to blog about.

I've Seen It All

2006-12-01T03:10:00.000+02:00

I just got home a while ago... I was feeling very positive when I got here actually. Things were going ok after a night in a club called Bliss. And just then, at 2 in the morning, my friend tells me that it was a prank. I got set up in a very emotionally taxing prank that crossed many lines by my standards. Not only did it cause an emotional see-saw, but it had real life implications and screwed up a few of my plans. I feel like swearing and cussing. I feel like not talking to my friends ever again. One time you feel like life is great and only a split second later you curse your life.

Maybe I ought to not share so much of my personal life with friends. Maybe I ought to lie a little more. It's too bad I cannot share the whole story here. It's so sick, cruel and unnecessary. My heart is filled with hate and my brain is playing a continuous loop of the f-word.

Maybe I'm Not Me

2006-11-28T16:55:00.000+02:00

This is Cairokee with Hany Adel from Wust El Balad. I think the song is great and so different from all the crap we hear on the music channels. The lyrics are special too but I could not catch all the words. If you've got the lyrics, do post. Enjoy!

Climbing Up The Walls

2006-11-25T20:25:00.000+02:00

There was 7 of us when my close friend Volks said,

The first rule is that, except your mother, every woman is a whore. Every woman has a whore inside, sometimes a little whore, and sometimes a big one.

Nobody objected at all to what was said. The reaction was a mix between laughter and approval. I was disgusted inside but didn't know where to start. This is what I was able to say,

Your problem is that you view women as less than men.

To which he responded immediately,

Yes, of course.

I was not in the mood of arguing and the time wasn't right, so I decided to keep it inside for now. I couldn't get it out of my head. I kept my wondering if these views are somehow related to the mass sexual assaults that happened in Cairo last month.

In other news, I went to a concert for Omar Khayrat at the Culture Wheel and it was great. It started out slow but it picked up considerably. Khayrat is a great musician and a very talented pianist. The Oud solo was perfect. I just wish he had a guitarist in the band.

Uncertainty Excites Me

2006-11-20T10:45:00.000+02:00

I had a busy last few days. Here's what's semi-interesting.

I went out with my few best friends the other day. We had good talks and good laughs. You know when you're with friends and you laugh at the slightest of things? Ah. As we drove home we sang along with the music, we couldn't talk, the mood was too perfect to disturb. Hmm... It sounds lot cheesier reading it now! They were not very happy though as I schooled them in table football/foosball that night. I still got the touch!

Then next day I met my other group of friends. The three of us were best friends at some point until we went on 3 week trip together after which it went downhill. I haven't seen these guys for ages. Sam was as loud as ever, broadcasting our conversation to everyone around. He's still womanizing. I hate how he womanizes, he's never been 1% serious with a woman in his life. Si had just changed jobs. He proposed to his gf the day before, and she said yes. He's getting married in a couple of years he said. That's a long engagement isn't it? It's funny because I remember this big talk we had just before he met his girl when he told me that he wants to stay single for at least 4 years.

My best friend Isso's gf emailed me the other day saying she wants to meet up. Is it me or is this weird, knowing that I've only met her for 5 mins? Do I meet her? Do I talk to Isso about it? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

I also met up with this girl Dee whom I've known for less than 2 months. We somehow quickly became friends... close ones too (yes, just friends). We had a nice talk and we caught up. She gave me a card that I should open only on the plane! We said goodbye but I was too shy to tell her that I'll miss her. Idiot MC! Tried to rectify it in an email though.

Oh ya, the names are fictional obviously.

Spend A Minute In My Shoes

2006-11-16T10:57:00.000+02:00

Ah... I haven't touched my blog in ages. I haven't read any blogs either, with one exception. How have you all been? I was very busy finishing up work and getting my things together. And I still am. Since my last post I feel like a lot has transpired. Here is some of what I recall, in no particular order.

1. I quit my job. Now that it's gone, I realize that it wasn't so bad. I realized that I've known a LOT of people at this job because I had to say goodbye to maybe 50 people, no exaggeration. It's not that I'm that social, the company was just huge. I've made 2 friends from work, but we'll see if it lasts.

2. A cougar gave me her number. She's a nice woman and has one of the weirdest stories I've heard. I'm just not in the mood of turning my life upside down more than this. I'm gonna pass on that one.

3. I had a revelation: Music is a big part of my life. I noticed that spend a lot of time listening to music and reading about it. I noticed that I was late a few times because I couldn't get my self to stop listening to music!! Right now I'm listening to the song Gong by Sigur Ros which is just pure genius. It totally captures my mood. Download the mp3 here [Sigur Ros - Gong]. Tell me what you think after you give it a couple of listens.

4. I was supposed to have a nice friendly talk with a girl that I've recently met but ended up out with a friend of hers at an event that they wanted to check out. It was a little awkward because of the nature of the place. I was reminded of how shy I can be sometimes when I meet new people.

5. I got together with two friends and tried to record something before I leave. By 'record' I mean sit in front of a laptop and record music over a mic so don't get other impressions. It was a total failure. We came to the conclusion that none of us can sing. Actually I think they're pretty decent. I'm not sure why all our recordings suck. Maybe it's practice.

6. I spent a lot of time putting some Arabic music together for my cousin's wedding after she asked me to. Finding soft instrumental Arabic music for dinner time was a nightmare. The dance music was no easier. I first put a list together then started refining it. Then I scratched it all and changed my mind on half the songs. Do the song lyrics have to match to mood?? i.e. Can I play a song that says “I don't want to see your face again...” even if it has a good beat?? I think not.

I am very excited... starting from scratch is always refreshing. I will try to post again before November 22nd.

What Is Fact, What Is Fiction

2006-11-06T09:55:00.000+02:00

I got into an argument with someone yesterday and they claimed that the following is true about Sadat.

His name was originally just Anwar Sadat but he later added 'Mohammad' as a first name to please the Muslim Brotherhood.
In a conference somewhere, he claimed that he would make the highest ranking Christian in Egypt a shoe polisher.

If you are able to verify these claims with links or books please add a comment.

The Women Of Egypt

2006-11-03T20:10:00.000+02:00

Here is a collection of posts by Egyptian women detailing some of their experiences with sexual harassment. Please comment if you've found additional ones, or if you've translated any of the Arabic ones.

Arabic
Atr Al-Nada
Eny Ra7ela
Eslamy
Lasto Adri
Ma3t
Manal
R
Samar
Shimaa
Wa7da Masreya

English
Samar (translated)
Strawberry

Think of your mother & sisters. Think of your female friends. Think of yourself, and you'll know that nobody should go throught his. Let's stop it!

Trapped In The Eyes Of A Stranger

2006-11-02T09:55:00.000+02:00

The following is my translation of From Zaqaziq To Cairo.

I am from Zaqaziq, and until recently I thought that I was one of the few people who went through unusual personal experiences of sexual harassment, which I suffered from since I was little…. No, since I was very little.

I will not forget the first time this happened when I was walking on the street on Eid as well. I was about 15 at the time. I was walking with my cousin, who is 3 years my elder, and with my aunt in the middle. A group of at least 15 young men blocked our way in a busy main road that was well lit. Suddenly they divided into 2 groups and approached us from the both sides. We found ourselves encircled in fury of holding, touching, groping, and probing accompanied by dirty words and vulgar language describing what each one of them was doing or wanted to do to us.

I never forgot, and never will, my feelings at the time. It was the first time I was touched in those parts of my body, and the first time I heard the words that were spoken, which I never imagined would ever be said to me. The strange thing is that there were a lot of people on the street that saw the act but walked on minding their own business. What is this? Where is honor? Where is the Egyptian manliness, dignity, and altruism that we’ve been hearing about since the day we were born? My only experience of this is weak and superficial gentlemanliness that was mostly closer to flirting than anything else. So it wasn’t just for the sake of it, and it might have been all because I am not ugly. (is that a crime???)

Anyways, I never thought I would ever see a day worse than this, or get harassed any more awful than this. After a short time, these harassments started repeating again: an animal on a bike would touch me from behind and sometimes the front as he quickly goes by, very dirty looks from shopkeepers, taxi drivers, and neighbors. Oh and what do you know about neighbors? I grew older and body changed, but I always thought that it was a good thing not something to be ashamed of ,or a source of harassment that my young mind and life-loving heart did not comprehend. I got scared of walking on the streets and started making rules on what I should and shouldn’t do to protect myself from their hungry eyes and hungry hands.

No going out on the street with tight jeans or a shorter shirt. No going out at all in the streets where the youth hang out for hours, which are well known in my small town. No need to put make-up or do my hair or pay too much attention to my looks. Why would I do that and for whom? Even my girlfriends’ thoughts became dominated by the stinky, radical, male-inspired ideas of the necessity of covering (hijab) the woman because she is a source of temptation that must be hidden. Maybe that’s from what they experienced too and maybe it’s from their ignorance and stupidity. I hated their disapproving looks at me when I wore something elegant that suits my age, personality, and taste and maybe even drew attention moderately and with modesty (what’s wrong with that?). I hated their silly remarks as if I was wearing what the belly dancers wore and not a normal jeans and shirt.

I changed the way I dress, and I neglected the way I look, yet I started to be experience a new type of harassment. What was strange was that some of it was worse than before, but I didn’t give up. I came up with a theory, which at the time I thought was brilliant. I lived in a small town that was surrounded by small villages. So I shouldn’t really take my liberty in wearing what I want as every place has it’s stature. I don’t even need to go on the street, as it’s no longer the place for people who want to maintain their self-respect. It’s enough that I used taxis to go to my friends’ houses or any other closed place. I hated the street, the people, and my looks, and I was on the verge of real depression until I decided to change my life and move to my uncle’s place in Cairo.

Yes, Cairo is bigger and the peasants are less and the harassments are less. No, sorry, they’re different but not less. I won’t be touched in every street but I can buy a 150LE ticket for live western band, meaning the people are mostly well-off and educated, and still get harassed by large numbers as if there was an implied agreement between the youth to do so. I would feel a touch in a sensitive area and turn to that direction to shout and fight but find a very cool and innocent response from the man. All the men around him would have the same reaction as if I was crazy and nothing happened. And when I look ahead someone else would touche me and the same thing repeats over and over again. I change my spot but another animal or animals would harass me in the same way as if it’s a group sex party not a concert.

Now I want a response to my question. What should I do? Should I not go out? Should I not go to live shows? Should I not walk on the street? Should I not swim when I go to Alexandria? What do I do? Hide? The stray dogs and cats walk go on the streets with no trouble! Are the women in Egypt now lower than cats and dogs?

Forget that, someone tell me what happened to the people? Did religion and morals become just superficial facades that have no base, importance, or meaning? Do men in Egypt really believe that sexual harassment and rape are earned rights? And is this a retarded male ideology or sexual suppression, or anger or what exactly?

Someone tell me, what happened to Egypt?

I Used To Think

2006-11-02T05:00:00.000+02:00

In my last post, Paint It Black, I expressed my doubts that sexual harassment reached the EXTENT that the anonymous commenter Girl described. I just have not seen a lot of the things that she described in person. Since then however, I have read a LOT of posts and comments from Egyptian females describing very similar, disturbing, experiences in Egypt. Not a single girl came out to say that it was not a prevalent day-to-day occurrence. Based on this, I apologize for casting such doubts. The sexual harassment problem is as real as it is troubling.

Paint It Black

2006-10-31T10:25:00.000+02:00

The criminal crowds are now long gone from the streets of downtown Cairo and we are left with the consequences to deal with. Some women are left with pretty tough physical and psychological consequences that we could never grasp. Harassed by dozens of men right in the street, treated like an object specifically made to satisfy your rapist. Listening to the men's vulgarities and being called the dirtiest of names just because you happen to be there at the time. Some of us will forget this incident, but for me, I know I'll never feel the same again walking the streets with a female friend or family.

I read the comments to my post and two of them I couldn't get out of my head:

Anonymous said...
Of course, when I read the eyewitness accounts, I was horrified, shocked, angry, nauseous, sad...so many other things.

I have seen people discuss rhetorically, "What can be done," but not any specific calls to action. Okay, I admit, I don't have any grand ideas of my own, witness that I am too stupid to figure out how to log in as a blogger, and had to do it anonymously...

Does anyone know of specific calls to action? A plan for next year? For tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after the day after?

Anon,
Good point! What is the call to action? I think the problem is not simple. It is not one single factor as is the case with most real issues. And as you can suspect, each factor will not be a superficial one. Forsoothsayer has put it solely on the shoulders of law enforcement who turn a blind eye to these offenses. And if you think about the thousands of plain clothed policemen that stand side by side for hours on the streets and along the 12.5km long 6th Of October bridge when the president has plans to use that route, you'll know she has a point. Couldn't the same organized & disciplined policemen be used to protect our women? However, I feel like this is not the root of the problem. And though I have some ideas of what the problem is, I feel unqualified to diagnose it or claim to do so. I am not a sociologist or a psychologist. And If the causes have to do with education, ethics, freedoms, and sexual suppression then solving this from the roots up will take years and years.

However, that doesn't mean that there is nothing we can do. Forsoothsayer has mentioned Egyptian Center for Women's Rights and some of their work. If you want to help with that, check their site.

I think the best thing we can do is get this out there and let women's voices be heard. Let the stories be heard. I just read a post by Pinky where she said that 'every nation passes through that', 'it is okay' and 'it is no big deal'. Well, Pinky I know I might be taking your words out of context but it's not okay! I am sure your attitude would have been different had one of your friends been a victim. The worst thing we can do is to blatantly deny what happened like the government seems to do when asked about this. The second worst thing is to admit it but say that 'it's ok, it happened to everyone else.'

Update: Pinky has advised that she was referring to the culture of sex being a taboo and not the sexual harassment incident.

The more exposure this issue gets, the more people will think about it, the more brain power we will have, the more solutions on the table, and the more the people that will stand behind solving this dilemma. The truth needs to be exposed, even if ugly as it is now. The infamous Egyptian hypocrisy needs to be exposed. Are they mutually exclusive the crowds that flock the mosques on Friday prayers and the ones that harass women on Eid? Or are they one and the same?

When Egyptian men read about what happens to normal women on the street they will feel ashamed, especially the ones that committed the crimes. That night they were drunk by desire, blinded by animal instincts. If they ponder about it when they're 'sobre' they will feel the shame. And If they have any decency, which I believe they do, they will think twice before bothering any girl on the street the next time around. I hope they connect the dots and figure out that whatever they do to these women, a stranger will to their mothers and sisters.

a girl who has been there said...
Well, I am not surprised reading this. We all know this has been always happening in Egypt. Don’t tell me you are living in Cairo and you just don’t! Egyptian men are perverts. Horny perverts, that’s what they are. They masturbate in garages, in front of schools, while they are driving theirs cabs, in stores and even in public transportation. Some bully their cousins and sisters to sleep with them and threaten to tell everyone if they utter a word. They harass women while driving they may even reach to get them killed in a car accident they do not give a damn as long as they are having fun! Police even assault women when they stop them claiming to ask for driving license day or night and treat them as whores! Bosses molest women in offices! They do not cease a chance to molest a female in every street in this corrupt piece of Earth called the F**ked up Republic of Egypt. I am telling you this out of me personal experience. I am not paranoid, but I am assuring you that there is NOT ONE woman in Cairo who has not been visually or physically harassed before in her entire life. Ask any of your girlfriends in Cairo yourself! Ask them if they have not been touched by a moron in the street before! I dare any woman who would say I HAVE NOT been abused in the streets in Cairo! I dare any of them to say they have been left alone in this filthy country. Egyptian men just make me want to puke!

In Cairo, women do not try to avoid being just violated, they try to avoid getting raped. I am sorry for this comment, but this is the ugly truth.

Girl,
The image you paint is quite dark. No it's not just dark, it's thick black with no other color, just black. If you don't mind Girl, I want to take apart what you said. You stated a lot of points and I don't want them grouped together.

The men that abuse their cousins and sisters are truly 'perverts' and sexual deviants and should be treated separately by specialists & psychologists that can analyze these cases. Men that do that, in my opinion, are in a different class than those who committed the public harassments.

I will not contest the visual harassment as every Egyptian knows it's a reality. When a women walks the street, men's eyes travel every inch of her body with no shame and maybe even a smile on their face. As bad as that is, it is not a crime. However, there are incidents that, in my humble opinion, you are overstating:

masturbation in garages, in front of schools, in cabs, stores, public transportation
Police assaulting women as they check their licenses
bosses molesting women in the office

If any one out there, male or female, has experiences to support Girl's view that these incidents are prevalent please speak out! I don't want to commit the exact thing I've preached not to do, which is deny what's happening.

And for the sake of my sanity and their feelings, I will not ask women that I know if they've been touched by strangers or not. What if they say yes? Yep, I will turn a blind eye on that one.

We need your help as a woman. We need you to help us understand how deep the problem goes. We need you to confirm that your comment really paints the correct image and is not exaggerated. How much sexual harassment do you experience in Cairo? Day to day? Once a year? How serious? I invite you Girl, and others, to anonymously blog your experiences (or send it to me and I'll post it). Please do not feel guilty as some victims do. It's not your fault, whatever you were wearing. It can't be your fault. If we are to get the exposure necessary to fight this, then we need you and others to step up and tell us the truth with no veils or make up!

When The Crowds Are Gone

2006-10-27T07:25:00.000+02:00

For some reason there is very little English language coverage of this. It's not exactly the best image of Egypt, but pretending it did not happen will not lead to progress. And by not letting this out to the world we are pretending it did not happen.

I have to be honest, this is one of those times when I find myself left with no choice but to feel ashamed of being Egyptian. It is one of those times when I feel like I don't want to be in Egypt. When I feel like I want protect all the women that I care about (relatives, friends... etc) from this dark side of Egypt.

All my factual information is from Arabic language Egyptian blogs reporting eyewitness accounts. Non-factual information is from other Arabic language blogs that I've read about this. I am going to summarize this issue without stating my opinion for now. References are at the bottom.

The incident:
On October 23rd and 24th, large crowds of men sexually harassed women in the streets of downtown Cairo. Some pictures can be found at the bottom of this Post.

The facts:

The crowds seem to have initially gather at a movie theatre where some actors were present for a movie premier. Tickets to the movie ran out and people started breaking glass and stealing posters.
The first day involved more unconcentrated/disorganized harrassments. the second day involved larger crowds approaching girls at a time before surrounding them/her and groping them/her.
There was no police involvement though Egyptian State Security were no more than 5 minutes away, stationed at Gam3et El Dowal and the American Embassy.
The crowds did not spare women that were with their husbands, fathers, brothers, sons, relatives.
The second day harrassments lasted for more than 4 hours.
The men's ages ranged from 10 to 40.
Fights between the men sometimes ensued over who gets to assault the victim.
Some bloggers report police officers receiving bribes to leave the area.

The stories:

One eyewitness recounts a large crowd of youth (shabab) that run after a woman in her early twenties when she trips and falls. The men then start groping her and take off her clothes. The woman gets up, runs, and hides inside a restaurant. The men surround the restaurant until someone shouts, "there is another one at ....". The crowds then run to that location to find another woman completely surrounded by hundreds of men trying to feel her and take off her clothes. A taxi driver takes that woman in his car but the men surround the car and shout for the girl to come out. A Security Officer (appears to be non-government) tries to fend the people off by hitting them with his baton. The crowds do not easily disperse until they see two women wearing the overall Saudi/Gulf veil & abaya walking alone. The crowds then completely surround them, before touching them and taking off their veils. They attempt to take their clothes off while 10/11 year old boys get in their abayas.
A well known actress, Ola Ghanem, was seen surrounded by her bodyguards fending off the crowds but were unable to completely protect the actress.
A woman in a veil and abaya is harassed by men who take off her abaya before two building Security guys took her into the building and locked the door to protect her.
A woman in tighter pants and a normal shirt is harassed and men take off her shirt and bra. A security person takes her into a shop fending off people with a stick.
Much worse assaults are reported by the word of mouth but are not witnessed. One in which a woman was sexually assaulted against a wall after taking off all her clothes.
Men cheered this before attacking a victim, "yaay, we will f***, we will f***". (yaay is my rough translation for 'heyeh').
And when they find another victim, "another woman, another woman".
And when they see women in veil & abaya, "go Saudi, go Saudi". (go is my rough translation for 'beep beep').
And when surrounding a taxi and calling for a victim to get out of the car, "get out you sl*t, we will show you". The woman was later forced out like they wanted!
Some bloggers warned women against entering the troubled areas, and most listened. Some women sought protection with the bloggers as they had cameras. The men did not assault these women fearing that they might be journalists.
Some men were observed to use their belts to ward off the crowds and then take the victim in a taxi and flee.
Some shop owners sprayed water to disperse the crowds and hailed for the women to come inside.

The possible causes:
The overwhelming response from Egyptian blogosphere is obviously outrage. Though the response is emotional and angry, I was able to identify some possible causes of this incident that were suggested. They might overlap and contradict, but here they are anyway:

People were under the added pressure of the fast during Ramadan abstaining from 'sin'. On Eid El Fetr, ending Ramadan, the men could finally go back to the routine and all the energy was released at once.
Marriage in Egypt is not cheap. Poverty has caused men to marry later in life rather than in their 20's.
The lack of sexual freedom in Egypt. Premarital sex is a taboo; two consenting adults cannot very easily have sex.
The lack of brothels or sexual outlets, even for money.
Education in Egypt is inadequate and insufficient. In other words, people that are educated were not educated properly in addition to the large number of uneducated people.
Religious education/awareness is insufficient.
Lack of law enforcement.
Inequality between men and women as women are viewed as second rate citizens and have a lower status among men.
The presence of some freedoms and lack of others. In other words, men can fairly easily find porn, and semi-nude singers are featured in the media yet a man cannot easily find a sexual partner.

Yet, after all this, a cleric claims that Rape Is Women's Fault in a recent post by Freedom For Egyptians.

Eyewitness reports are from Malcolm X and Speaks Freely.
Opinions are from Takhareef, Wa7da_Masreya, Charkawy, GreenData, Johnny Bravo, and ElHaweya, among others.

How To Leave A Message

2006-10-26T02:30:00.000+02:00

I played around with some code and added a feature called 'shoutbox' which you can find on the right panel of this blog. You can use it if you'd like to leave a note that everyone can see. Private stuff you should send by email of course. I can think of a few instances where you would use this 'shoutbox':

-to comment about the blog
-to say hello
-to ask general question
-to suggest something
-general (short) discussions
-whatever else that is non-post related

Let's Call Him R

2006-10-24T01:50:00.000+02:00

He's a cousin/friend of mine that just came to town with his newly-wed wife. He is a few years older than me and we've been somewhat close. He is a smart, very ambitious, successful guy. Not only that, he's quite handsome and has got a great personality. He's got the whole package pretty much.

Growing up, I always listened very carefully to what my parents said about what him. R did that, R did this. R got a girlfriend. R got a car. R got a summer job at a remote place. R finished university and got a job. He traveled the world through his job, from China to Sweden. He was the one I always looked up to. “When I grow up, I’m gonna do that” I said many times. And I’ve measured my accomplishments with his. I can't deny that I have sometimes felt jealous of him. How am I gonna match what he did?

I have since come to realize that me and him are somewhat different. Though our logic, morals are similar, we have our own ways of doing things. I take bigger risks where he wouldn't and he takes bigger risks where I wouldn't. So I am ok with not filling his shoes. I will find my own way of getting through life. I don't need a roadmap.

We have great respect for each other's ideas. I've taken his opinion many times and he's asked me for mine as well. You know when you're immersed in situation and can't imagine what it looks like from the outside? That's when I go to him. I know he's gonna understand my view and I know he's gonna be reasonable. He's done the same with me and shared some of his intimate issues. I can tell by the way he looks up and pauses to think about what I said before responding, that he values what I have to say.

When we talk, it usually ends up being a big talk. It's not big arguments where the other sides fiercely defends their point of view regardless of what you say. It's a very reasonable exchange, where both sides give ground and arrive at a common answer. I can remember a few of these big talks that spanned a few hours. Oh we've talked about many things including life, religion, women, marriage, friendship… etc.

He called me yesterday and said he wanted to get together today. I know there is something that he wants to say and it sounded serious. Just what is it? I asked him if I should get other people too but he said he just wanted to talk to me. Has something come up? What could it be? I don't think he wants to talk about his wife! If I had to guess I'd say maybe about an investment or a project that he’s thinking about. Maybe he found this blog and wants to talk to me about it. Maybe it's just casual get together. I have no idea!!

How To Make Enemies

2006-10-23T09:02:00.000+02:00

Someone sent me this, check it out. Her name is Wafa Sultan. Am I the only one that hasn't seen this before?

MEMRI Video

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

2006-10-21T00:13:00.000+02:00

My friend calls me up at work... He tells me... Can I use swear words? I haven't used any so far... What the hell? What is this? How did this happen? Ever feel like you're in a lose-lose situation? And that if you try to explain yourself you'll end up worse than where you are now? Do I pretend I never heard it? Or do I face it and go for a confrontation? Which is the right thing to do? Which one does the least damage?

Was it a joke? Was it serious? How literal do I take it? At least now I know that I'm definitely missunderstood. There's an image of me that has formed that's not very accurate. I swear I'm not like that. Do I try to clear things up now? Or do I wait till that image becomes the real me. I meant all that said to you before. I explained myself didn't I? Why do you assume that I have other intentions, that I'm hiding behind feelings that I don't have? Maybe because you don't know me well. I can't blame you. I think I'll wait and pretend... but I've never been able to do that!

I Can't Get No Relief

2006-10-17T22:15:00.000+02:00

A Splinter In Your Mind

2006-10-14T09:00:00.000+02:00

"Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying — but when God talks to us, we're said to be schizophrenic?" ~Lily Tomlin

Said The Joker To The Thief

2006-10-13T02:15:00.000+02:00

"There must be some kind of way out of here,"
Said the joker to the thief.

thief:
You and I have always known.

joker:
But why did we never go?

thief:
Must be a reason, I wouldn't grieve.

joker:
Are you always this naive?

thief:
You know me better than I myself.

joker:
Can't help but doubt that.

thief:
Put your doubts aside,
Sit down, and enjoy the silence.

joker:
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here.

thief:
Is it so? Then you better leave.
But where you go, I will be.

joker:
There's too much confusion,
I can't get nooooooo relief.

"No reason to get excited,"
The thief he kindly spoke.

joker:
So many years've gone by,
Oh men start, dig my earth,
None of them along the line,
Know what any of it's worth.

"No reason to get excited,"
The thief he kindly spoke.

joker:
Excitment is faaar from what I feel,
can't you tell my dear thief?

thief:
Just cherish this, the air you breath,
can't we just live and be?

joker:
There are many among us,
Who feel that life is but a joke.

thief:
Ha-ha ha-ha.

joker:
But you and I, we've been through all that,
And this is not our fate.
So let us not talk falsly now,
The hour is getting late.

The image is from this site and the story is based on All Along The Watchtower.

Blue Skies From Pain

2006-10-09T08:00:00.000+02:00

Dear Gandhi,

Every time I read about what you did, it seems to me like you did not live in this world. Like you were not born of flesh & blood like the rest of us. Your story is so different from any other in our history. But It's not myth; it's not a legend. Your story is not from times very different than ours. It was not in the time of chariots and castles. Yet, it seems like it does not belong.

It does not belong because it's the opposite of what came before and what came after. Before you, people killed each other. From the Mongols to WWI, we found reasons to kill our fellow human. And after you, we still killed each other. We committed ethnic genocide and we nuked cities. We have killed each other in the name of everything you can imagine. We've had massacres in the name of religion, political interest, self defense, money, land, race, and believe it or not, sometimes pleasure! And we used a lot of weapons to do so, from suicide bombs to nuclear ones. Gandhi, you do not belong to us.

How did you do it? How did you achieve goals so great. How you did it in a time like ours, without violence, is something that I cannot comprehend. You freed millions of people from an occupying force. And you freed them to a democracy non the less. A democracy that is the largest in the world today. You never advocated the killing of anyone. Do you realize how outlandish this is to us now? When the British troops opened fire on civilian crowds you did not take up arms and fight. When some of your people retaliated with acts of violence, you condemned them!

Gandhi, if your soul is out there, please know that I have the greatest respect for you. Though I do not comprehend your Hindu beliefs, I fully understand your message of compassion, nonviolence, and truth. There is nothing I can do but bow down in respect for any belief that can lead to such achievements.

Gandhi, I don't understand why we don't site you in every debate. I don't understand why we can't repeat what you did. I don't understand why we still don't get your message. I don't understand why I don't recall learning about you in school. What is the Nobel Peace Prize made for if we didn't give you one?

We all know your story, yet we can't help but load our weapons. We can't help but doubt your message. I myself cannot help but doubt whether your ideas can fight the current ideas of hate and intolerance though I know your task was nothing less. But I also doubt the ideas of violence.

Gandhi, your page in history is like no other. Your achievement is like no other. The means of your achievement is like no other. Gandhi, don't get me wrong, I know you are one of a kind, but I just hope your uniqueness does not hold for long.

Regards,
MC

"Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it." ~Mahatma Gandhi

The Sweeping Insensitivity Of This Still Life

2006-10-05T09:05:00.000+02:00

I had to make a certain decision. There was a lot of factors involved, but among them was happiness and money. I found it very difficult to make the decision as I was not able to compare money and happiness on the same basis. It was like comparing distance to temperature for example. What is worth more, 1km or 10 degrees C? (I know, a little geeky)

Money can't buy you happiness.
So what if you think money can't buy you happiness. It can sure make your misery a lot more comfortable!

So can money buy happiness? Well, I can think of a few instances where the lack of money can cause me serious misery:

Not enough money...
-to eat or find a place to live
-to be with someone I like
-for proper for health care

There are also instances where a lack of money can cause me mild but not serious misery:

Not enough money...
-for a car and would have to use public transportation and waste more time
-to take courses that improves my career
-to be able to listen to music
-to be able to pursue my hobbies

Now I want to make it very clear that I don't consider myself as a materialistic person at all. I don't care if ride a BMW or a Lada. I don't care if wear Tommy or not. In fact, I hate owning anything expensive. But I will care if I was somehow unable to listen to my music for example!

I am sure you can think of a lot of instances where money cannot buy happiness:

-when you have a broken heart
-when you've lost someone
-when you're feeling lonely
-when you feel guilty

Obviously money is useless in the above cases. So what is the answer? How do I decide? Well, I thought about it and came to a rough conclusion. The initial amount of money pretty much translates to happiness. And the rate at which money can translate to happiness decreases as the amount you have increases. So if you have 1 Million, the first 10,000 for example should mean a lot to you. The next 10,000 mean less... and so on. This is because the initial amounts are for the basic needs, which if not satisfied, will cause misery.

A few months ago someone told me a fascinating story about a woman and her kids in Kenya that lived on nothing. They had no money but somehow they were truly happy and the mother always had a smile on her face. I see this as the exception though. I think the vast majority of people that cannot afford their basic necessities are unhappy.

So if you can afford your basic needs, don't be a slave to money. Enjoy your life now; cause youth will not be around when you have a big bank account.

The Great Gig In The Sky

2006-10-02T17:50:00.000+02:00

And on the seventh day he relaxed and went out with his girlfriend, and he came back on the eighth day and he made them.

And he stood in front of them and said:
You are the man and the woman, and this garden is your garden.

They thanked him and asked:
Who are you?

He said:
I am the maker... I made all of this and I made you. I am the one that grants life and death.

The woman asked him:
What does death mean?

He told her:
Death is being away from all of this. Death is the darkness and the absence of thought, forever.

She said:
Oh it sounds so bad. Do you have to give us death?

He said:
I will not give you death if you fulfill my only demand.
Don't kneel to anyone, don't worship anything, not even me!!.
Do you understand?

The said quickly and eagerly:
Yes, Maker, we understand.

He said:
Good luck. Enjoy this garden, there is 'almost' no place like it!

I translated this from an older post by Alaa called The Morningstar Adventure. He said it's taken from a comic book, but I'm not sure which one. If you know, please shout it out.

Vola, Vola Palombella

2006-09-27T04:05:00.000+02:00

This might trigger memories from the years of innocence and care-free that is now long gone. Let me know how you feel.

This is Nadina now!!

But By The Seeds You Plant

2006-09-20T21:40:00.000+03:00

I have been working on an upcoming post but ran into some technical difficulties. I am close to figuring things out though so look out for it.

In the mean time, I want to tell you about this friend of mine Amr Salama, though we haven't talked in a long time. He is a very talented young director with an artistic vision and an excellent work-ethic. He showed me many of his material, like short/long stories, graphics, and videos and I think he has great potential. He made 2 unreleased music videos, one for the great Wust El Balad, and one for Hany Adel. I will try to post these videos pending his permission.

Check out Amr's new Afkar Productions and try some of the videos. I am sure you will hear more about him in the future!

It's A Good Life If You Don't Weaken

2006-09-15T10:00:00.000+03:00

Here are some excerpts out of the last few days...

1. I waited for someone, online, but they never showed up!

2. Someone said they would email me 'akeed' (= for sure) the next day but they never did!

3. I met birthday girl in another gathering and we didn't even say hi this time! Don't you just hate it when you find out you didn't say hi to a person in the group and it's obviously too late to say hi now?

4. I promised someone I would call them after work but I never did!

5. I sent a message to someone I don't know!

6. My best friend broke up with his gf. He looked fine, but I can tell deep inside there is an emotional storm. Us guys don't show our emotions very much, even to our closest friends. They looked very happy together. The problem had to do with long distance and pressure from her parents!

7. If you're gonna break up with a guy, don't send an email to his friend asking him to take care of your ex!

8. I was in my work building when this girl, with an unusual smile, looked at me and walked past me. I turned my head around to see what's going on (ok... to check her out) and at that exact moment she looked back and smiled!

9. Someone called me 'such a sweetheart' for no apparent reason!

10. I met this guy for the first time, he was so down to earth and innocent. I polluted him with some of my ideas. I showed him how everything isn't so rosey. I felt bad afterwords!

11. I haven't started my to do list yet... time is running out!

12. Sam gave me an official World Cup bracelet for the German team as a present!

13. I can't find a good flip phone with a camera... does anyone have suggestions?

14. I talked politics with an old man and we bordered on religion. I was surprised to find that we agree on a lot of things!

15. For maybe the one hundredth time, I come to the conclusion that I cannot sing!

16. I was right in predicting the winner of Rockstar Supernova. In fact, I picked the top 2 right!

17. Had an uncomfortable elevator ride... one woman's husband left her for a younger girl. I used to know that guy, he seemed nice!

18. I keep getting emails (103 in the last month) directed to someone by the name of 'Rania Fahim' though my name is nowhere close. I never knew anyone by that name either. Rania, if you are out there, stop using my email!

I'm Being Cut To Shreds

2006-09-09T12:45:00.000+03:00

While you make pretty speeches
I'm being cut to shreds
You feed me to the lions
A delicate balance

A Logical Puzzle In Islam

2006-09-05T19:55:00.000+03:00

a. Freedom of Religion is the right that everyone has to choose any religion/belief system or lack thereof.

b. Islam calls for the death penalty for muslims that renounce Islam (per hadiths in Sahih El Bukhari).

From 'a' and 'b', Freedom of Religion and Islam cannot consistently coexist.

Does anyone have an answer to this riddle?

Break The Religious Handcuffs

2006-09-01T21:25:00.000+03:00

This will sound weird to 'foreigners', perfectly normal to Egyptians, and outrageous to Human Rights Activists. On the back of the Egyptian National ID card ,that every citizen has, there are 4 pieces of personal information. Occupation, Sex, religion, and martial status. Having the first and last one on ID cards, my guess is, is not that common and is probably debatable. The second one is pretty standard. But it's the third one that's troubling me. I can imagine a lot of non-Egyptians right now going "holy crap (no pun intended!), religion is on your ID cards?"

Here is why I think religion should not be on Egyptian ID cards.

First of all, if my card says I'm Muslim, for example, does that mean I'm Muslim? Do letters printed and glossed on a piece of paper saying 'Christian' really mean that I am Christian? No and no. What a person believes in and who they worship cannot be decided by a government paper. A person is a Muslim or a Christian by what's in their head, what's in their heart, and the actions they take. Nobody can tell us what we believe in except ourselves.

My second problem has to do with the nature of religion. One’s religion is neither an eye colour nor a blood type. It's neither an ethnicity nor a fingerprint. Religion is not a gene that we are born with. It is something that we choose. We should have the freedom to choose whatever we want to believe in. I should have the freedom to be a Muslim one day, a Christian the next day, a Buddhist the day after, and so forth without constantly changing government papers. It's not a sex-change operation! After all, isn't it expected that our beliefs change based on what we experience in life? Do I have to change my ID every time I have doubts about my religion or completely reject it?

Thirdly, as far as I know, the government allows you only to be one of three: Muslim, Christian, or Jew (yes you can be a Jew!). The Egyptian government doesn’t let you believe in anything else. How narrow minded is that? Are there are no other belief systems? No Buddhism, no Hinduism? No atheism, no agnosticism? Where is the Freedom of choice?

Fourthly, there is the issue of discrimination. I don't think I need to elaborate more here, but I will anyway. Having religion on ID cards makes it incredibly easy to discriminate between Egyptians. Imagine how the treatment of the police, university professeurs, and employers could vary depending on whether or not you agree with what they believe in! There is no doubt minorities suffer as a result of this. Even though removing religion from government papers is not likely to stop discrimination, but at least it won't be as ridiclously easy as it is now.

Start with Freedom...

P.S. related post: When You Build A Bridge

Two Stories With The Word Hug

2006-08-27T01:31:00.000+03:00

Here are two very fresh/recent little anecdotes:

#1
This guy at work comes to ask me to do something for him. I've seen him before but I never got to know him. He's fairly new and seems like a super nice guy. Anyways, so he comes and talks to me about something, showing me a piece of paper. Then all of a sudden, he starts stuttering. Stuttering is really an understatement. He just kept repeating same 2 words... for a looong time. I thought it was a glitch in the Matrix at first cause his stutter wavelength, if you will, was identical each time. I couldn't take my eyes off the paper cause I did not want to embaress him.

So he's still stuck on those 2 words, and I feel like if I interupt his stutter pattern in any way, he might go back to normal. So I say a few meaningless words just to knock this stutter out of balance. It works, and after maybe 30 seconds of saying the same 2 words he goes back to normal. I look up at his face and I can tell he is trying hard to act normal and pretend like nothing has happened. His eyes were a little teary and he couldn't look me straight in the eye. He looked so vulnerable I just want to hug him, pat on his back, and tell him "it's ok, don't be ashamed, man... I would never judge you or laugh at you... we all have our imperfections" Of course I couldn't do any of that so I just played along like nothing happened at all.

#2
I was invited to a little birthday party at a restaurant, for this girl I knew. It was ok, I got to talk to people that I haven't talked to in a loooong time. The birthday girl was a sweet & cute girl that I never got to know very well. I had a few pointless, Egyptian style, discussions with some of the invitees, and realized how much we all have changed yet how unbridgable the gap between us still is. So me and my friend decided to call it a night and go home. So we get up and start the goodbye rituals. I look at the birthday girl, she looks at me, and we approach for the farewell.

Now I was going for double-cheek Egyptian kiss but apparently, she was going for the one-armed hug. So we come closer, she reaches out with her left arm for the hug, at the same time I grab her right hand for the hand shake and lean forward for the first cheek kiss. She puts her arm on my back but she realizes that I am going for the double-cheek . And I realize that she's going for the one-armed. So we each change our strategies! I lean back thinking that what we just did counts as the one-armed hug, even though we shook hands and I already simulated the kiss sound. However, she was now going for the double-cheek thinking that this is what I wanted. So as I go back to the straight position, she leans in, pulling me with her left hand, trying for the second cheek kiss. But since I stood my ground, and since I'm a bit taller than her, she ends up basically just hugging my right arm and ramming her face in my shoulder! Everytime I think about it I keep laughing at how pathetic I can be...

A Secret Code Carved

2006-08-23T01:50:00.000+03:00

I wake up beside this big gray rock. I feel fresh. I feel adventurous. I feel like today is a new day. I am not hungry, but I am not full either. I get up and look around. There is something familiar about this place, but I tell myself that today is a new day. I have no idea where I am, but somehow that does not trouble me. It looks like a forest, and there is an obvious trail ahead of me... a path on the ground. Was it made by man or just common usage? I can't quite tell if it's day or night; I can neither see the Sun or the Moon.

I start walking down the path and it feels great. I look at the fruitless trees and just feel happy. The trees look so green and beautiful. I keep walking and hope to myself that this feeling continues. Almost abruptly, I see the road split ahead. There is another trail branching off to the right. I stop at the center of the Y. I look down the new road. There is something about it that just looks so eerily familiar. Oh, the trees have apples! I look at the ripe apples, at their perfect balance of red and yellow and my mouth waters. Oh, they look so good. I was not hungry before, but those apples are sure making my stomach growl. I turn my head and look down the original path and am reminded of how green and happy it is. Where do I go? Should I keep going on the same trail or take this new, yet familiar trail? I hesitate for a split second.

So I take the new road and the first thing I do is reach out for an apple. I bite it. Oh, it's so juicy and sweet. I walk down the new path, with my mouth stuffed and my hands loaded with as many apples as they could carry. The trees are not as pretty but the apples sure are sweet. There is nothing that could possibly be better than this. I want to eat apples forever. Yet, some part of me deep inside misses the original road with the happy green trees. I don't think about it for long though. I feel a little tired from eating and collecting, but I almost feel hungry for more.

As I walk on, I see another trail branching off. I stop at the center of the Y. I look down the new road. Again, this new path just seems so familiar. I look closer and I see the trees teeming with the delicious fruit. Apples of all colours, even coming off the same tree! Red, yellow, green apples just so big and ripe waiting for me to eat them. With no hesitation this time, I go down the new trail. I jump around reaching for the apples. I take a bite off one and throw it away craving for the next. The juices flow down my chin as I chew with my mouth open. I walk and walk, eat and eat. I feel lost and tired, hungry with a full stomach.

I look at how big and sweet these apples have gotten, and I realize that I have lost track of how many side trails I've taken. I know that I will have to sleep very soon. My body is weary and I haven't gotten anywhere. I walk some more, carrying the apples, looking for a good place to rest. I see this little gray thing far away. For maybe the millionth time, a deja-vu strikes me.

I walk closer to the gray object while my brain tries to solve this puzzle, and while my body complains about its immediate need for rest. I see it now, so close and so clear. It's the big gray rock. I have been too stupid and too distracted to realize that this path is not man-made. Well, it is man-made if by 'man' you mean Me. My legs weaken, so I let go of the apples and drop to my knees leaning on the big gray rock. I look at it and smile, realizing that I have done this maybe thousands of times before. I lie on my back, as my brain and body shut down and go to sleep...

I wake up beside this big gray rock.......

Where You Are, That's Where I Wanna Be

2006-08-21T09:00:00.000+03:00

You can stop 4:00min into the Video. Note Santana is playing on a Gibson Les Paul!

Reach Out And Touch Me Please

2006-08-16T19:28:00.000+03:00

I had a nice trip. It was short but worth it for sure. Actually, I was sort of a guest to one of my From Your Lips All The Heavens Pour Out friends. I do not know her that well but she was super nice. I just can't believe how good she was to me considering we are not that close. Actually, she was too good to me even if we were best friends. She introduced me to her friends, showed me around, and even let me stay at her place for a night. Believe it or not, she didn't do this because she likes me, she did this because this is just how she is!! She would have done the same with anyone. She always reminds me of everything good in this world.

Anyways, that is not what I wanted to talk about. I got the chance to meet a lot of new people and probably made a couple of new friends. All the Hello and Goodbye hugs got me thinking though. In my daily life, I don't touch anyone! I don't touch people at work (although my boss tried to hug me today!), and I don't touch any of my friends, best or not. And No, shake hands do not count. I email, I blog, I chat, I talk on the phone... but none of that is touching. In fact, it is the exact opposite. We are so distant from one another.

So all the hugging reminded me of how much I miss the touch of another human being. There is something about the hug that is just so beautiful and pure. You're close to other person. You lean on them and they lean on you. Your heart is next to theirs. Your head is next to theirs. Your arms wrap around them, and theirs around you. Your bodies touch. You feel this warmth, of their body and emotion. You smell their scent. It's just something that cannot be put into words, but if I had to, I would say it's a brief moment of unconditional 'I Love You'.

Why aren't we touching one another? Have we built up so many barriers & shields around ourselves that we don't let anyone in, even for a hug? Why are we so afraid to show affection?

Maybe it's just me. Maybe you're touchy with your friends. Maybe I'm just suffering from the 'single-male' syndrome!

Tagged To A Book Meme

2006-08-16T08:03:00.000+03:00

I was so called 'tagged' twice recently, once by Reham, and once by Shlemazl. I cannot fulfill Reham's tag as it gives away more information than I'd like. I'm gonna try Shlemazl's but I don't like rules so I'm not gonna stick to them if I don't feel like it!

1. One book that changed your life?

Vicotr Hugo - Les Misérables
This book is just so human. It shows beauty in ugliness, right in wrong, and wrong in right. It shows compassion and sin, forgiveness and justice, it's an emotional epic journey for sure.

Naguib Mahfouz - The Mirage
A very psychological novel that delves into the deepest of the human thoughts. It made me better understand the imperfection inherent to humanity.

2. One book you have read more than once?

Naguib Mahfouz - Akhenaten: Dweller in Truth
Captivating!

3. One book you would want on a deserted island?

AutoCad for Dummies... just kidding. Some holy book maybe!?

4. One book that made you laugh?

Nick Hornby - Long Way Down
Four people meet at a roof top just before they commit suicide.

5. One book that made you cry?

Andre Dubus III - House Of Sand And Fog
Books don't make me cry... but this one got me pretty choked.

6. One book you wish had been written?

The Truth for Dummies

7. One book you wish had never been written.

Sun Tzu - The Art Of War

8. One book you're currently reading.

Classic American Short Stories
This is a neat book with one page in French and the opposite page in the English translation. I'm trying to improve my French.

9. One book you have been meaning to read.

John Crowley - Engine Summer
I've had this book since I was 14, and I swear I must have tried to read it 4 or 5 times. I can't even begin to describe how weird this book is. I could just never finish it. From what I gather it is considered a cult classic by some.

Naguib Mahfouz - Children Of The Alley
This book is banned all over the Arab world, except for Lebanon! I can get the English translation but I want to read the Arabic original first, which is very hard to find. I knew a guy who had it but he would just not lend it to me!

10. Now tag five people.

Let's see... hmm...
Pinky & Brain
FreudianSlip
ForsoothSayer
Reham

Lost In The Crowds

2006-08-11T10:37:00.000+03:00

After I showed you How To Be Inconsiderate and read your comments, I felt worse than before writing it. I guess I shouldn't be complaining about my feelings when my victim has possibly suffered irreversible damage. There is not much I can do but to vow not behave like that again. I promise you I will never do anything like that again.

I just realized that there is so much that I haven't told you about. I haven't told you about how my parents were trying to hook me up with girls at this wedding I went to last week. I haven't told you about the history of Count Dracula & Romania as told by this Romanian guy I met through work. I haven't posted any of the music that I made. I haven't told you about all the nice and intelligent Iranian people I've met.

This is not a proper post, I just wanted to tell you that I will be away for a few days again. I have to go to the airport 3 hours before the flight now because of all this terror crap. Anyway, I'll leave you with this Egyptian Rock/Metal video that I uploaded especially for you.

From Your Lips All The Heavens Pour Out

2006-08-07T08:08:00.000+03:00

Ever met a person that you instantly fell in love with, opposite-sex or not? I am not talking about looks or anything sexual. I am talking about the way they speak and act. The way they are always SINCERE. They way they talk from their hearts with no facades. No hidden intentions. They don't say/act it if they don't mean it.

They are usually quite talkative, opening themselves up to everybody with a smile on their face. Easy-going and pleasant to be with. Like a cool fresh breeze when the air around you is hot & polluted. I just like to watch them and listen. I like to watch every expression on their face and listen to every word they say. I look at them, and marvel at how they manage to remain true to themselves in a world like this. They are like angels among us. Do you know what I'm talking about? Maybe you are of that type yourself (especially if your name starts with an L).

The other thing is when you meet them, they always seem to care about you. But what makes it a lot more flattering is knowing they are not pretending like everybody else. My reaction to that is usually "You must be an angel to care about a piece of **** like me."

I tried to count how many of them I came across in my life. I have met about 6 so far. 4 girls, 2 guys. One was a close friend and passed away. Two I still talk to every now and then.

Recently, I met 2 people which might be the same but I haven't gotten to know them yet. What are your stats? Know any?

How To Be Inconsiderate

2006-08-02T18:52:00.000+03:00

I know there is a war going on, but I have a confession to make. I screwed up someone else's life. I did it to someone I don't know, and I did it for no reason at all. So random...

This is about 2 years go. I go into a net cafe in Cairo. It's a small and cheap place. I go on this computer and check my email and surf the net for a bit. I open up MSN looking for friendly chat. But someone has left their username and password in there!!!! It's not signed in but their account and password are there, I can simply sign in with their account... I had a moment of hesitation... ok a split second...

My mind was something like this:
"ok just go in see who this guy is and then get out."
"it's not yours so just leave it alone."
"just a quick peak, maybe there is something interesting"
"control yourself... you make me sick"

So I log in with his account (the username was a guy's name)... He's got some friends online, nothing special... So I go about doing my other stuff. Then this conversation window opens up... The display picture has a half-naked guy showing his abs... "hmm... intresting" I think to myself. Then 3 or 4 windows start popping up. The thing is they weren't just people. They were all guys. Guys with half-naked pics in their MSN display. And the messages I was getting were a little weird... "hey hottie", "missed you"...etc... I realized that the guy I'm logging in as is gay. I have nothing against gays, but naturally I was a little repulsed.

I should have done the right thing and logged off. But my mind was going into different directions. I am not gonna self-analyze my thoughts at the time, there is no excuse for what I did really. I'm just gonna tell you. I opened up his email and looked at the distrubtion lists. His lists were something like this:

"family"
"friends"
"Guys from US"
"Guys from Egypt"
"Guys from Sweden"
etc... he had guys from many countries

So I created a new email to his "family" and "friends" distribution lists. In the message, I said something like this:

"I wanted to tell you all this for a long time. I am actually gay."

You know being openly gay in Egypt is probably not an easy thing. Do you think I ruined his life? Do you think it was fate? Was there a purpose to what I did?

Of course I have no excuse... it was an nothing but an evil act from my side and I don't know how long it will keep haunting me for. I'm sorry dude.

Immerse Your Soul In Love

2006-07-28T09:40:00.000+03:00

I have been overwhelmed lately trying to respond to 2 pro-Hezbollah bloggers and one Zionist. All I have been doing is eat, sleep, work, and blog. I have come to realize how far apart these 2 sides are. Peace will not be an easy thing. I have had enough with politics that lead nowhere, and I know you certainly have had enough. I will be away for a few days, so until then.... "Immerse Your Soul In Love"

Dust In The Wind

2006-07-28T05:37:00.000+03:00

I am sorry... So many political posts. But not to worry, I will change it up for you after this.

Here we go again. The GodFather, has this post, The Trade-Off, on his blog and he asked me to respond. So here are my answers!

Shlemazl, thanks for the link that is supposed to enlighten us but well as a logical person who deals with statistical measures a lot and what people in my profession call statistical sampling, I guess 53 votes out of which 51 requires the disarming of Hizbullah is not a measure... Basically because it is a minor part of the population... It is less than 1% of the Lebanese population... It is an amount again people in my profession call insignificant or immaterial signifying that it is not representive of the entire population....

I agree. Of course a statistic on some forum does not represent the Lebanese population. However, by the same criteria you, and I, criticize shlemazl's answer, we should also criticize your own.

I will cut it short for you here.. I have inquired from the Lebanese people around me, Muslims and Christians, students of mine and people I work with, a number that can be estimated above 50 maybe even 60. I don't have an exact count and out of all these I got one vote againts Hezbollah... I thought I would tell you about the opinion of the Lebanese before we go on deciding for them...

This, too, does not prove anything whatsoever. First, it's a small sample just like shlemazl's statistic. Second, these are Lebanese people in Dubai as you explained. How can we say that the opinions of 60 Lebanese in Dubai reflect, or even indicate, the position of the Lebanese as a whole?

Mech. Crowds:I know I have been aggressive with you as I started reading your first opinions... It just hurts to see that a fellow countryman is brainwashed, Americanized, Westernized, I have many terms for that...

All that for me? You sound frustrated, but labels are not arguments!

And Mech Crowds I have a few questions I wish you could give me an answer to:

- Who appointed the US a judge to the entire world?

Nobody. Unfortunately, these are the rules of our world. If you have power, you can somewhat dictate what others do. I am sure this was the case with the Roman Empire, Greek, and even the Muslim Empire.

- Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) was considered a horrible man when he started preaching Islam except by the few people who actually believed in him. So was he a terrorist because the bigger powers in Mecca were against him?

No.

- What kind of peace could be built in Palestine if a government like Israel rules a land that belongs to someone else and if you try to reply me with the usual, "This is an old story" and those kind of comments please tell me if this will be an old story to you fifty years from now if that is the case with Egypt?

Are you sitting down? 'Cause this might be a little disturbing for you. Prove to me that this land belongs to the Palestinians! Why do you call it their land? Let's be objective for a second and forget that the Palestinians might look like us more than the Jews do. That is how we can be fair... neutral. The thing is you can't prove it's a Palestinian land and you can't prove it's Israeli. However, Israel, I believe, is ready to give up some land for peace, but the Palestinians want the whole thing. I say let's find a way to divide this land between the two.

- If you are right why do some Jews inside Israel consider that the land is Palestinian and if they wanna live there they should live as Palestinian Jews and not Israelis?

I don't understand the question! If I'm right about what?

- And well if you are right why do some jews outside Israel call the Israelis terrorists and try their best to negate the fact that Israel as a country represents Judaism but instead consider it representative of Zionists who have nothing to do with Judaism?

Again, right about what? When a group of people believe in something, it is no indication that that thing is true. This is not an argument for anything!

- And if all these people are right and you agree with me on all that do you want the Palestinians to work for peace?

Of course, the Palestinians should work hard for peace, instead of suicide bombings against civilians.

Well I would love to make a comment on this last question... Peace my friend can only be made when I have my land and you have yours and we agree not to fuck with each other... If I walk into your home and kill members of your family and treat the rest like a slave and then bring my family to reside in I would be stupid to expect you to call me for peace and don't convince me you would....

Peace does not work that way.. We as muslims are encouraged to be peaceful but not when our lands are taken.. Not when someone kills our women and children.... And when a muslim does that on our guard we have to stop him and bring him back to the true and right path and not allow Israel or the USA to do that and applaud for it....

Here are a few hints:
-There were no 'Muslims' 1500 years go, but there were Jews. Why do you call it 'muslim' land?
-Terrorists are killing our women and children, what are we doing about that?

Why would Israel give land if it knows that the violence will continue no matter what?

If we are gonna talk about Islam and about what it allows and what it does not allow then here is something that would interest you man... In the age in which the moguls attacked the Arab countries and even the non-arab Islamic countries there had been a fight between the muslims and each other and in order not to mix up names I will just say that the governer of Syria asked for the help of the French Crusaders to help him fight the Caliph in Baghdad and the opinion of Al Ezz Ibn Abd-ElSalam (The biggest Islamic figure and teacher in Egypt back then) was that it is a betrayal of religion and a huge sin to ask a non-muslim to help you fight a muslim even if he was at fault....

That depends if you view the terrorists as 'muslims' or not. Are the people bombing cafes, markets, and mosques in Iraq Muslims? The people bombing resorts in Egypt? The people bombing busses in Israel? The people that destroyed the WTC? If you think so, you can have this discussion with someone else, not me.

Pinky and the Brain.. You said that Hezbollah does not represent Islam... Although I do not agree with you I will make it as simple as this.... If they do not then applauding Israel for fighting them just gets us to one conclusion: We do not represent Islam either....

Again, same issue as before... I said very early on with my response to Raven that this is the core of our difference.

Mechanical Crowds.. You seem like you have learnt to be an activist from the West and well deploying that in the peace arena would be very good... But for God's sakes, understand what peace stands for... It is a concept and not a word... Unless all parties abide by conditions that lead to peace don't ask them to get there and don't applaud the enemy and act like you think they are just there for Hezbollah... Cause that I think is what I refer to as being brain washed....

So why is Israel there? Do you think Israel wants more land? That would not a be a smart move and would bring more blood shed, and they know that. They want stability. Yes, they are just there for Hezbollah. Calling me brainwashed is not an argument.

Ghandi did not get the British out of his land by terrorism.

Like Spinning Plates

2006-07-27T05:40:00.000+03:00

There is so much I want to respond to, including Pinky & Brain's well-written, well-intentioned article, and shlemazl's question on my blog about who won the 1973 war. But not now.

Alright, Raven has responded to my Where Is The Line? with his own Where Is The Rope? I will now respond to his response :).

Mech: Plus, Israel is known to care a lot about their soldiers/civilians and go to extremes for that.
Define extreme for me will ya? Would it be similar to bombing an embassy? Hmm... how about blowing up a country? Yeah that sounds about right, huh.

By 'extremes' I mean take an action that is greater than what most countries would take. Remember I said that, to me, going to war to rescue the soldiers is not justified. It is justified, however, if it going to spare the innocent lives that Hezbollah is going to kill.

Mech: I said they should stop pretending if they are not going to war for that reason. Which is probably true.
So basically you don't know why they're in it for. They're all just theories... same as mine I guess. Only I don't know why do I feel that mine stands a little bit taller than yours.

That's right Raven, I don't know for sure. They're all theories. Does anyone claim to know for certain?

Mech: If you are walking on the street and suddenly some gang starts attacking you, then this serial killer comes and saves your life. Does that mean that he is no longer a killer? The core of our disagrement is that I view Hezbollah as a terrorist group, as murderers, and of course you do not see it that way.
Naaah, I see them as men trying to prove a point, to be heard, to protect, to grow, to elevate into something meaningful, into the leader and into the missing spot on the UN table.

So are they killers and criminals or not?
You know, a lot of people are trying to prove a point and be heard, but that doesn't mean they can pick up AK47's and start killing others. The terrorists in Egypt are trying to prove a point as well, but I am sure you can do that without bombing hotels with tourists and locals.

That serial killer you're referring to has taken care of southern Lebanon for the past decade.

I said it before and I will say it again. If a serial killer comes and saves your life, it does not make him/her innocent all of a sudden. Hezbollah have killed and will kill again.

The people over there not only love them... they wouldn’t be alive without them (God willingly).

The Lebanese love Hezbollah? Probably not true for all the Lebanese... Any Lebanese people out there you can give us your opinion.

Harriri backed them (Hezbollah) up while he was alive, especially during his last days, before he was killed by people who didn't want Hizbullah to stay around any longer. The theory that the Syrians were the ones who ordered Harriri's assassination was only thrown in there to try and blur the other theory that the US wanted him out of the picture to cut a bit of Hizbullah's funding. Harriri didn't really bother Syria in his life and his death didn't benefit them in any way.

So the US killed Harriri????? I highly doubt it, but who knows. The US was busy with Iraq and Afghanistan so I don't think they wanted to get into other fronts in any shape or form. Any Lebanese-Syrian politics expers out there?

Ummm... not to mention that there's a theory in the Yugoslavian states, now countries unfortunately, that the US were the ones who encouraged Slovenia to break loose out of the Yugoslavian government after Tito's death. Did you know that Yugoslavia had no imports worth mentioning in their countries BOP? They were a self-structured and self-satisfied country. They were growing to be one of the most leading nations in the world... a threat to the balance of the world, from the US and pro-US point of view. Again, I must say... it's just a theory that goes around, a flame for a fire put out years ago.

I'm glad you know it's just a theory... at best.

Lebanon's been free to do anything since the year 2000. The government had six long years to create an officially instated army if it wanted to be rid of Hizbullah's military regime... my question is.. how come it didn't? The entire nation adhered to Hizbollah as their military councellor and provider of safety and security against harm. So if the government didn't want them there... why not attempt to work for a stronger army to push aside Hizbullah? I'm not talking about an army as strong as the US or Israel or whatever... I'm talking the basic definition of the word army here.

Cause Hezbollah is backed by Iran and because it is part of the Lebanese political system. Did you know that in 1982 Iran gave Hezbollah 1,500 Iranian Revolutionary Guards? They now have 14 seats in the Parliment out of 128. It becomes very sensitive then to get rid of Hezbollah's military side. However, I think the Lebanese could have done more without jeopardizing their system... my personal opinion only.

I gave Raven the link to this article, which of course he wasn't very happy with.

In case you didn't notice, this is a clear cut sign of how the American gov't wants to brainwash the American people into believing that bush and that bitch is right. That they shouldn't take Lebanese civilians into consideration as innocent, that they shouldn't feel sorry for them cos they might as well be terrorists. First they accuse a person, their imaginary fucking white bunny, then they accuse an entire nation. What the fuck is happening out there man?

Instead of labelling the article as 'brainwash' why don't you refute it logically?

Look, nobody is saying that Lebanese civilians deserve to die. Terrorists that kill, deserve to die. People who support terrorists deserve punishments of varying degrees, depending on the level of support they provided. Trust me, I feel very much for every civilian life lost. I think this part of the article explains it best:

The domestic law of crime, in virtually every nation, reflects this continuum of culpability. For example, in the infamous Fall River rape case (fictionalized in the film "The Accused"), there were several categories of morally and legally complicit individuals: those who actually raped the woman; those who held her down; those who blocked her escape route; those who cheered and encouraged the rapists; and those who could have called the police but did not. ~ALAN DERSHOWITZ

Ok, going back to Raven's quotes:

I just wish that if somebody bombs down my house that I won't be seen as a possible might-have-been terrorist in my funeral. I mean what do you think Mech? Define civilian for me if you may. Do you think my death would be a tragedy? Do you think yours will be? (اللهم احفظنا)

I don't think you're a possible might-have-been terrorist. It looks like you are using your brain and hopefully that will not lead you to beheading someone because they disagree with you, or because they were born in a different part of the world.
Yes, Raven, your death would be a tragedy. Unless you have committed a crime that deserves death as a penalty, it would be a tragedy. Mine, however, may not be such a tragedy. I've done enough bad things :).

Every being on earth, no matter what race they are, where they're from, what God they worship, knows what's right and what's wrong. It's common knowledge. Some people justify certain things for themselves but they'd still know they're not totally guilt-free. Clubbing, X, beer, and all that crap... we've gotten so blinded by the west with all its crap that we see the west as the path to being "accepted". We've managed to absorb the worst in their culture and leave behind what really matters. We should have learned to be smart.

I strongly disagree. I, for example, as a being on earth, am at times unsure about what is right and what is wrong. I am sure I am not alone in that.
Why are you calling clubbing, sex (if that's what you mean by 'X'), and beer crap? That's the good stuff... (and for the people that know me, don't read too much into this, it's just a joke).
Wow... I think I agree with something here... amazing... Yes, we have absorbed a lot of bad qualities from the west, and not so much of the good ones.

Mech: So you wanted us to spend 25 years building an army? Egypt is not that rich of a country... I mean look at the economy now, imagine that minus billions and billions that would have been spent on the military. Egypt cannot afford to spend anymore on the army, let's feed the people first. I hope we just all live in peace and stop spending on war. You know... move on.

Umm... NO... I was actually referring to using the 25 years to build a country and an army... and yeah... that didn't happen because some idiot took over the reign of the gypo crown and flushed the great country-great army blueprint down the toilet. Today's gypo army is a career where you can get free shit and power. It's always been like that in Egypt... only today... they get free stuff in return for nothing.

The Egyptian army is not so bad is it? We can hold our grounds. But isn't peace just a better option?

and while we're at it let me ask you the million dollar question here...
Where do you stand on the Israel-Palestine long lasting situation? :-D

Thank you for asking this. Here is the deal:

I am not going to take the Palestinians' side just because we might have the same hair, eye, and skin color or because we speak the same language! I am not going to take the Israeli side either. I disagree with some actions that both sides have taken. I can't say, ok I will be on the Palestinian side and will support whatever they do from now on. The same goes for the Israeli side. You can say I am for Peace and for fairness.